Dating Thread: In Memoriam

[Madame deVenoge]

2 hours ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

Well earlier she asked me to call her for a few minutes and an hour and a half later.... 

I haven't used dating apps in ages, but Bumble always sounds like the best one. 

Well, I’ve been on JDate (hey, I’m willing to convert), Match, OK Cupid, E-Harmony, and Plenty of Fish.

JDate was more recent (ahem, still willing to convert), Match got me The Doctor and I’ve never lacked for a date on Match. OK Cupid got me four years of W :/ E-Harmony got me an amazing personality test for $500 :/ And I was on PoF for all of 24 hours and was practically hiding under my desk because of the bombardment of messages. 

Oh, and I got 1,653 “likes” on Tinder when I was on it when I was 45, which is not bad for four weeks on Tinder for a 45 year old woman.

ALL THAT SAID….The Doctor called me again. Calling me “baby” but not in a “hey, baby” way, it was far more genuine and authentic. Like, “oh, baby, I’m so happy for you winning the memo on derivatives!”

He went to the wine auction by himself this year, or date-less, rather. He’s going back international traveling with his best guy friend. 

MEN - tell me. Tell me your thoughts.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

12 hours ago, Madame deVenoge said:

Well, I’ve been on JDate (hey, I’m willing to convert),

You do know most Jews don't really care about converting people. J said the same thing and I had to hide my laughter. It's cute, but unnecessary. 

Quote

ALL THAT SAID….The Doctor called me again. Calling me “baby” but not in a “hey, baby” way, it was far more genuine and authentic. Like, “oh, baby, I’m so happy for you winning the memo on derivatives!”

He went to the wine auction by himself this year, or date-less, rather. He’s going back international traveling with his best guy friend. 

MEN - tell me. Tell me your thoughts.

Bad Chats. Bad. 

[Madame deVenoge]

5 hours ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

You do know most Jews don't really care about converting people. J said the same thing and I had to hide my laughter. It's cute, but unnecessary. 

Bad Chats. Bad. 

But….what does this mean? Does he regret breaking up with me? Can’t find a new girlfriend? Randomly calling to be nice? Or because he’s bored?

[Maithanet]

2 hours ago, Madame deVenoge said:

But….what does this mean? Does he regret breaking up with me? Can’t find a new girlfriend? Randomly calling to be nice? Or because he’s bored?

My guess would be that one.  If you were still DTF I'm sure that's something he would like to know. 

[IheartIheartTesla]

Yeah, he's putting out feelers to see what your situationship is. A more sophisticated version of the 3 am 'wyd' text (in my humble opinion). Just listen to New Rules by Dua Lipa if you dont want to go down that route. 

[mcbigski]

On 3/20/2024 at 9:01 PM, Madame deVenoge said:

 

Then again, I might be having jaw surgery #2 in a bit, here, because my TMJ is so bad that I can’t open my mouth more than 15 millimeters.

Well, you'll always have Tywin. 

[Knight Of Winter]

On 3/26/2024 at 1:38 AM, Madame deVenoge said:

ALL THAT SAID….The Doctor called me again. Calling me “baby” but not in a “hey, baby” way, it was far more genuine and authentic. Like, “oh, baby, I’m so happy for you winning the memo on derivatives!”

He went to the wine auction by himself this year, or date-less, rather. He’s going back international traveling with his best guy friend. 

MEN - tell me. Tell me your thoughts.

Who gives a fuck about what his motivations are? The important one is not him - but you: and if you have (presumably) made a decision to cut him out of your romantic life - start acting like it. Stop worrying about whether he's just bored, or regrets breaking up with you, or just wants a hookup; for he's no longer a part of your love life and whatever he does has nothing to do with you. 

Months after breakup and his one "baby" still holds too much power over you - that you get so emotionally invested and are confused about what to do. 

[A Horse Named Stranger]

14 hours ago, Madame deVenoge said:

But….what does this mean? Does he regret breaking up with me? Can’t find a new girlfriend? Randomly calling to be nice? Or because he’s bored?

What the poster above said.

Who cares? Things ended for a good reason. Remind me, what did pumpkin call him? The most self-obsessed guy you have dated? There you have your answer.

Spoiler

It's his ego.

Could I still hit dat? And you are very likely a more intriguing company than his guy friend on a wine tour. If you want to go down that road, fine. But don't expect a happy ending.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

Rare is the five and a half hour phone call that keeps you up till 4 am. Fuck my day is going to be unproductive yet I couldn't be happier. 

Edited March 28 by Mr. Chatywin et al.

[BigFatCoward]

9 minutes ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

Rare is the five and a half hour phone call that keeps you up till 4 am. Fuck my day is going to be unproductive yet I couldn't be happier. 

i doubt I've spoken to my wife on the phone for 5 and a half hours in 15 years total.  You are setting an unreasonably high bar. 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

3 hours ago, BigFatCoward said:

i doubt I've spoken to my wife on the phone for 5 and a half hours in 15 years total.  You are setting an unreasonably high bar. 

 

 

[mcbigski]

20 hours ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

Rare is the five and a half hour phone call that keeps you up till 4 am. Fuck my day is going to be unproductive yet I couldn't be happier. 

I've started asking myself, what's different this time?  Dont mean it in a dick way, and I'm all for happily ever after as a goal, but home work, compare, contrast etc.  

What's different this time seems like a question that should always be asked, probably others too, but do you have an answer for this new flame?

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

47 minutes ago, mcbigski said:

I've started asking myself, what's different this time?  Dont mean it in a dick way, and I'm all for happily ever after as a goal, but home work, compare, contrast etc.  

What's different this time seems like a question that should always be asked, probably others too, but do you have an answer for this new flame?

Simple. E is mean spirited and is probably a narcissist. J is extremely kind and considerate. 

The former didn't give two shits if I was having a rough day and only wanted to talk about herself for the most part. The latter listens, is understanding and wants to be equal partners. Pretty night and day. Plus J is fun while E seemed kind of boring outside of picking fights at bars when she was drunk. They also both brought up their sexual interests early on with E wanting it to be all about her needs while J wants it to be about what we could do together that would make us both happy. The only thing they really have in common is that they are both attractive women with beautiful eyes and serious...er...assets. Chats can confirm that part as she's seen pics of both of them.

Also, like I mentioned a while back, E thought it was really weird that I like posting here and thought pretty low of all of you for wanting to do the same. J thinks it's cute that I've made friends on an online forum where we talk about politics, sports, philosophy, literature, movies, etc. in a both serious and silly way. So again, night and day. I told both of them about how @Fragile Bird got me a book I couldn't really get to complete a collection. E thought that was insane. J found it to be adorable.

So that's why I find J to be so different and a much better match. 

Edited March 29 by Mr. Chatywin et al.

[Madame deVenoge]

Of all the things…DTF isn’t him. I’ve even…asked if he was busy one evening (he texted back; he was). I’ve asked if he wants to go to dinner, asked if he wants to come over and have a glass of wine. Ahem. Both to no response. All of these at different times after the breakup. So, my guess is that he’s happy with Rosy Palm. He has very low libido. 

ALL THAT SAID….A Horse Named Stranger is 100% correct. “The most self obsessed guy” just wants to….talk about himself, for 15 minutes. That and “things ended for a good reason”.

One of the men to whom I was talking on Match (Quiet Guy) just went radio silent, but he’s always, always very oddly showing as having been active within the last hour. So, possibly he’s not selective, has an addiction to Match / a total player, or is a scammer. He was the one who couldn’t seem to carry on a conversation. 

Then we have Lawyer. He seems nice. He was the one whom I thought had originally flaked out. We talked on the phone today - always a good verification step for both parties, although I don’t require it. His cell phone showed up with his last name, which was handy. I googled him, and he is indeed a lawyer practicing the kind of law he was describing to me. His partner picture on the firm site looked just like his Match pics, and his graduation date from law school sounds right for his age (so unlike Other People, as detailed below in my ETA, he’s not a liar). He was picking up his daughter from school, so he couldn’t talk long, but we’ve made plans tentatively for Sunday.

I had a realization about what was kind of the final straw for me with Mr. MBA - he mansplained something to me, something that is part of my job, but also made it a little bit about a threat to my job. Maybe because English is his third language, it didn’t come out right? Also, we had gone to a shitty restaurant. It’s not like I’m such a snob, but if a restaurant is right next to your house, you should have an idea of the quality of the food? So, basically don’t make a veiled threat to my employment over shitty pasta, while mansplaining insider trading?

ETA - a funny…..I ran into the Doctor’s brother on Match. I had to click on it to make sure it was him, and it 100% was…and he lied about his age, just like his brother. I know for a fact that Little Brother is no younger than 48; he is my age - yet his profile says 42. And he baldly lies about 6 feet in height - he’s no taller than me at 5’7”. 

Edited March 30 by Madame deVenoge

[Madame deVenoge]

UPDATE - I sent Mr MBA a break up email tonight. It was the right thing to do. 

i had a great first date with Lawyer, and am also meeting Law Professor next week, and need to text Finance Guy back.

Edited April 5 by Madame deVenoge

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

Oh joy, the first downside of the early part of dating as things seem to be going well, doubt when there shouldn't be any. Thankfully everything is good. 

[Toth]

Sigh... I'm sorry. I know I really shouldn't vent, but I feel like I need to.

The thought of stepping back into the "world" of dating as a 30 years old guy who has never successfully made that first step, just feels... daunting. Too daunting, actually.

I've done a lot of soul-searching recently and decided for myself to not hold back anymore. I lost the last 12 years of my life taking care of my mother and it gave me a lot of anxiety about how people wouldn't understand my situation. So I always reflexively withdrew, even when I really wanted people in my life. Or rather, particularly when I knew I wanted to seek someone for my life, because it always felt unfair and selfish. I thought I was doing them a favor when I did. But now I want to act as my ideal self, even if my home situation hasn't changed. I can't wait any longer for me to miraculously love myself before I can get out. I can be interested in someone else's life, I can be kind and considerate even without reaching some imaginary "I am fixed now" point.

So I went out into the world, grasping for opportunities... and all I did was noticing once again I am getting along really well with taken or otherwise unavailable women. I am having endless chats, exchanging interests, feel comfortable... and yet... while I appreciate their company, I am painfully well aware that they cannot help me with my deeper loneliness, my craving for intimacy and touch starvation. I find myself surrounded with couples, listening to stories of romantic bonds, of establishing trust and expressing wants and needs and I can't help but feel wistful. I want that as well! But have absolutely zero clue how to find someone and show them that kindest possible me that I have created for myself. I know this sounds like some "nice guy" crap, but I'm genuinely absolutely clueless about meeting singles and showing interest. And to some degree fear that the same attributes that make me seem so... "unthreatening" to taken women, would come across as repellent to women who are searching.

I guess I'm also here because I had an odd conversation with female acquaintances on Discord yesterday urging me to give online dating another shot, telling me of their great experiences there, at the same time stressing that they themselves would never want to be approached in real life. They made it sound like Online Dating seems to be the only venue where you could find women that are actually seeking. But that caused me only discomfort because I have tried to avoid the apps because the utter silence on them was poison to my mental health. That is why I tried to make more acquaintances in real life in the first place. But ugh... I ended up looking through my old photos from my last attempt at online dating as I was weighing my chances. However I found that they are all horrible and became self-conscious again about how much I dislike my face and how impossible it feels to get across my new confident "social self" with that face in the way. I tried to make new photos while out, but they still don't feel different.

[Madame deVenoge]

11 hours ago, Toth said:

Sigh... I'm sorry. I know I really shouldn't vent, but I feel like I need to.

The thought of stepping back into the "world" of dating as a 30 years old guy who has never successfully made that first step, just feels... daunting. Too daunting, actually.

I've done a lot of soul-searching recently and decided for myself to not hold back anymore. I lost the last 12 years of my life taking care of my mother and it gave me a lot of anxiety about how people wouldn't understand my situation. So I always reflexively withdrew, even when I really wanted people in my life. Or rather, particularly when I knew I wanted to seek someone for my life, because it always felt unfair and selfish. I thought I was doing them a favor when I did. But now I want to act as my ideal self, even if my home situation hasn't changed. I can't wait any longer for me to miraculously love myself before I can get out. I can be interested in someone else's life, I can be kind and considerate even without reaching some imaginary "I am fixed now" point.

So I went out into the world, grasping for opportunities... and all I did was noticing once again I am getting along really well with taken or otherwise unavailable women. I am having endless chats, exchanging interests, feel comfortable... and yet... while I appreciate their company, I am painfully well aware that they cannot help me with my deeper loneliness, my craving for intimacy and touch starvation. I find myself surrounded with couples, listening to stories of romantic bonds, of establishing trust and expressing wants and needs and I can't help but feel wistful. I want that as well! But have absolutely zero clue how to find someone and show them that kindest possible me that I have created for myself. I know this sounds like some "nice guy" crap, but I'm genuinely absolutely clueless about meeting singles and showing interest. And to some degree fear that the same attributes that make me seem so... "unthreatening" to taken women, would come across as repellent to women who are searching.

I guess I'm also here because I had an odd conversation with female acquaintances on Discord yesterday urging me to give online dating another shot, telling me of their great experiences there, at the same time stressing that they themselves would never want to be approached in real life. They made it sound like Online Dating seems to be the only venue where you could find women that are actually seeking. But that caused me only discomfort because I have tried to avoid the apps because the utter silence on them was poison to my mental health. That is why I tried to make more acquaintances in real life in the first place. But ugh... I ended up looking through my old photos from my last attempt at online dating as I was weighing my chances. However I found that they are all horrible and became self-conscious again about how much I dislike my face and how impossible it feels to get across my new confident "social self" with that face in the way. I tried to make new photos while out, but they still don't feel different.

I think you are absolutely doing the right things. Do not listen to women on Discord who are saying “oh, yeah, dating apps are great!” You need to do what’s right for YOU.

I’m on Match, and have a date for Thursday 4/11, zero expectations. Law Professor. He’s got three kids, which is not usually my thing. All that the apps give you is an ability to meet people whom you wouldn’t otherwise meet. 

Meeting someone by chance in person is a far better route to judge chemistry and attraction, etc. 

[Madame deVenoge]

At 2:30 pm today, just when I was telling myself not to think of him, who calls me but….the Doctor. He was on my side of town he said, and had stuff to drop off. Including my Super Scrabble game. He also gave me back my bottle of lube as well as a t-shirt that was his that he had given to me. 

He came over, and it was good to see him, because honestly he looks terrible, even though my heart hurt; oh my heart was in a million little pieces. He stayed and said hello to the cats.

I asked him for a hug, and got a quick hug from him. 

He told me that I’m looking good.

And then he drove off in his Maserati, which is once again acting up. 

Cue Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car”.

[Spockydog]

3 hours ago, Madame deVenoge said:

He also gave me back my bottle of lube

Ew.