marriage

[Lord of Oop North]

I wouldn't see it as only using 'half'. If I were to take my wife's name on, I doubt I'd ever be able to get into thinking I'm '___-___', which admittedly makes it a bit of an empty technicality, then. But that's just the way it is. Names stick. *shrugs*

You misunderstand, my apologies. I didn't explain it very well.

My last name is an amalgamation of my mother's last name and my father's last name. So my name goes; First - Middle - Mothers Last - Fathers Last.

My mother's last name is an amalgamation of her mothers, her fathers, and her husbands. So, her name goes; First - Middle - Mothers Last - Fathers Last - Husbands Last.

My father didn't take on any part of his wifes last name, which is part of the male chauvinistic tradition. What a pig. But, it is also becoming more common for wives to not take their husbands last name, and just remain with their two. I would be fine with the latter convention.

however, he always referred to himself with his full combined name, whether formally or informally.

Because that's his name. It's rather rude to not refer to him by his proper name, if that is what he goes by.

[kairparavel]

Perhaps name meshing is a happy medium

In my radical 20's I was steadfastly against giving up my surname.

Now, I'm more willing to give it up.

But I'm not going to be a husband to be so I'm not really helping out the OP.

[LugaJetboyGirl]

By the time I was 15 I had decided that my kids would carry my maiden name. It's just a good last name, okay? And I identify strongly with that side of the family. And when I imagine my future family and children, I certainly don't imagine a husband who'd have a problem with this.

I once told my aunt that my children would carry my last name and she said "with that attitude, good luck finding a husband."

Huh. Well, fuck that. I don't need no blasted husband.

[mashiara]

Women keep their own last name here, they don't change it after they get married. Kids, that's a different issue that needs to be decided before the marriage, where both spouces-to-be sign a document stating what the last name of any future children will be. We went with dalThor's name as is the norm here. I guess we could have gotten a combination of both our last names, nobody would have objected to that, but it just didn't seem as important.

[Eponine]

I had a Mexican professor with two last names, and he always goes by the first one. The two names don't flow together very well.

My boyfriend and I decided that if we ever wanted to have the same last name, we would both change to something entirely different. I don't really foresee that happening, it was speculative. His suggestions all sounded like someone who reads too many comic books.

[Kat]

I have enough names that if I ever get married, I will not add any more.

Unless something was really compelling. Like his last name was too kickass to pass up. Like 'Asskicker'. I'd love to be Ms. Asskicker-Mylastname.

[lady narcissa]

I have one male friend who took his wife's last name when they got married. Her last name was very important to her and he was indifferent about his.

A couple I am friends with combined their last names to form a new one when they got married. So something like Brown and Smith became Brownsmith. And they both use the new last name, not just the wife.

[2241]

Because that's his name. It's rather rude to not refer to him by his proper name, if that is what he goes by.

I agree completely :)

I do have a question, however, and I hope you don't think I'm trying to pick a fight you you - I'm just curious.

You said that your father refused to take any part of your mother's name and were critical of him for it, but then said that you're fine with a woman who chooses to keep her own name (for the record, I am too). This seems like a double standard. Is this a sort of backlash against the chauvinistic tradition, is there maybe some sort of ethnic/cultural significance going on that I'm not aware of (I have no idea what your ethnicity is and I suppose its really none of my business, if you don't choose to share that info :)), or am I just misunderstanding something.

If I'm broaching a sensitive topic here, let me know its none of my business and I'll let it go, but again, I'm just wondering why one way is ok but not the other.

[Lord of Oop North]

I agree completely :)

I do have a question, however, and I hope you don't think I'm trying to pick a fight you you - I'm just curious.

You said that your father refused to take any part of your mother's name and were critical of him for it, but then said that you're fine with a woman who chooses to keep her own name (for the record, I am too). This seems like a double standard. Is this a sort of backlash against the chauvinistic tradition, is there maybe some sort of ethnic/cultural significance going on that I'm not aware of (I have no idea what your ethnicity is and I suppose its really none of my business, if you don't choose to share that info :)), or am I just misunderstanding something.

Well, first of all, I wasn't being serious ;) Second of all, in Lusophone naming traditions, the woman keeps her own name. She just generally adds another part to it. No part of her old name is eliminated. The husband doesn't do anything like this. He keeps his two ancestrally-inherited last names and forces one of them upon his wife. That's fairly chauvinistic, and I don't see how it is a double standard to call them out on this.

ETA:

I just re-read my other post, and realized that my phrasing was not clear. Sorry. I'm not being critical of my father for not taking my mother's name. What I'm saying is that it is chauvinistic for the husband to force a name upon his wife, which is essentially what happened between my parents. He didn't literally force it upon her, but that's the tradition, which is definitely sexist. Being supportive of a woman who chooses not to subscribe to this tradition is not a double standard.

[Lord Mord]

I'd take his lat name, sure. My dad's all right, but I know nothing about his family to speak of, and Mitch's family name is just too cool. And storied, apparently, in both Ecuador and Spain.

[2241]

Lord of Oop North Said:

I just re-read my other post, and realized that my phrasing was not clear. Sorry. I'm not being critical of my father for not taking my mother's name. What I'm saying is that it is chauvinistic for the husband to force a name upon his wife, which is essentially what happened between my parents. He didn't literally force it upon her, but that's the tradition, which is definitely sexist. Being supportive of a woman who chooses not to subscribe to this tradition is not a double standard.

Ah, there we go. Now I understand. And once again I agree. It is not a double-standard at all, I just misunderstood what you were getting at. :)

[Isis]

I wouldn't mind the slightest smidgen if my wife were to keep her maiden name (as my mother kept hers), but would fiercely defend my patriarchal right to pass the family name on to my offspring.

This is interesting. I have a question for you: what if you had siblings who had already passed your family name on to their kids, would you be okay with YOUR kids then having your wife's name?

I make this same point to my husband - he has a brother who has three children who all have his family name, therefore his (decidedly average and way less cool than mine) surname has ALREADY been passed on...

What I intend if/when I have kids is to give them both surnames (NOT double-barrelled though) and in practise they can just be called by my husband's surname.. if that's what it takes to make him happy.

[Max the Mostly Mediocre]

For men specifically, or same sex couples, would you be unwilling to take your wife's/partners name?

Couldn't care less. If she wants me to, and I love her enough to marry her, sure, what the hell.

[kungtotte]

My aunt is very into genealogy and has mapped our family tree back to sometime in the mid-1600s, and there's so very many different surnames making an appearance there. Enough to make me realize that those things are mostly arbitrary anyway.

So yeah, not bothered about taking her name. Not bothered if she wants, or doesn't want, to take my name.

[delete this account pls]

Id be willing to change my name though it would feel weird ... not because of any tradition thing, but because since most people I know call me Brady, including my girlfriend.

My boyfriend and I decided that if we ever wanted to have the same last name, we would both change to something entirely different. I don't really foresee that happening, it was speculative. His suggestions all sounded like someone who reads too many comic books.

I think you'd make a good Lois Lane. Just sayin'.

[Mme Erzulie]

I would never consider changing my last name. It may not be a great one, but its mine :). That being said, if I were to get married, I wouldn't insist that my wife took my last name either. If she chose to, that would be fine with me, but it would be her choice. I think the hyphenated last name is a pretty good solution. When I was in college, one of my professors hyphenated his wife's last name onto his own, and she did the same, becoming (changing their names) Mr. Bob Smith-Jones and Ms. Jane Jones-Smith. I thought that this was a great idea, ensuring that their kids would get both of their last names, with nobody feeling left out.

This only works for one generation, though. As the last names will increase exponentially, by the fourth generation you'll have 16 last names, all hyphenated. Do you really wish that upon you're great grand-children?

And my parents both kept their last names when they married. We (me and brother) were given my father's name as our last name and our mother's name as our middle name, but that was only due to the explicit threat of disowning from my father's mother (and she's been saving money all her life :P). But whenever she hangs up, I can't see anyone in the family having a problem with it if my brother or I chose to change our last name to our mother's.

My gf and I are from different countries, and neither of our names would sound good with the other's last name, so the natural thing if we ever were to marry would be for both of us to keep our names. For children, I'd be happy to draw straws as to what last name the first-born gets. Then alternating. But give the kids the other last name as a middle name, and let them choose which last name they want when they come of age. Simple.

[S John]

Many times I have considered changing my last name to 'Rambo'.... and what woman wouldn't want to be Mrs. Rambo?

[AverageGuy]

I wouldn't change my name. I wouldn't ask my wife to change her name (though I don't really plan on getting married). For kids, the only thing I wouldn't at least consider is alternating names; I'd want siblings to have the same last name at least until they decide they want to change it.

[Isis]

For kids, I wouldn't do the alternating names thing; I'd want siblings to have the same last name at least until they decide they want to change it.

Yes, if they have both names they can choose which one they want to be known by once they're an adult. It would be weird for siblings to have (intentionally) different surnames.

[MinDonner]

Many times I have considered changing my last name to 'Rambo'.... and what woman wouldn't want to be Mrs. Rambo?

"Microsoft" not good enough for you any more? :huh: