The Glorious Comeuppance Thread

[Kelli Fury]

Hive mind, regale us with stories of your most satisfying revenge and long awaited comeuppances. The board has been a bit too positive lately, time for the dark side to balance it back out.

[Gertrude]

I don't know if this counts as glorious, but it always brings a smile to my face.

In high school, there was a girl I hated. Really hated. She was just an arrogant, entitled ... I hated her. We played in a few of the same sports and of course she was a fantastic athlete (mostly why she was so arrogant). For Homecoming, we always had Powderpuff (flag) football games between the classes and she was a year behind me. Football is my game - I grew up playing tackle with the boys as my Dad was a little league coach.

She's the QB for the team and I'm on the defensive line. She couldn't get shit done cause I was on her at all times. I overheard her telling her teammates to put extra people on me to stop me. She finally tries to run with the ball and she dodges and rolls through the line and runs in for a touchdown. Her face when she saw me standing behind the line of scrimmage holding her flags was fucking beautiful.

Also, after I graduated my brother started high school there. One day in college I open a heavy envelope - he had sent me the emblem off her Mustang. I love my brother.

[Tears of Lys]

@Gertrude... oooh, evil!

I like it!

I can't think of any situation where I was able to take sweet revenge or someone got their comeuppance. I'm mostly left with thinking, "Well, karma will catch up with them at some point."

One can only hope.

[Dr. Pepper]

My most satisfying revenge will seem kind of petty. I sublet an apartment from a friend in college while she was studying abroad for a semester. She ended up coming back early for reasons and proceeded to make my life feel like hell. She'd stop by all the time and comment on every fucking thing. One day, I had dyed my hair and some dripped on the shower curtain. I figured no big deal, this was cheap Ikea stuff that I could easily replace next time I felt like taking a trip to the local Ikea. The woman saw it before I replaced it and freaked the fuck out. Complete and total meltdown for days. I finally got the landlord to step in to prevent her from entering since our sublet was all by the book. She kept making comments all the time and would find reasons to just happen to be walking by and then would just happen to know where something was inside. The semester was just the most stressful ever (like, I stop having periods and got crazy hives), all over fucking hair dye on cheap shit.

When I left, I of course replaced what I had damaged, but I also took that shower curtain with me. It has proudly hung in every bathroom of every dwelling I've lived in for the past ten-ish years. For years, long after the stress and anger from this woman had faded, I would make it a point to take a photo that just so happened to have that shower curtain in the background and post it in places I knew she'd see. It was like my own little tradition, every time I got to a new country, new apartment, new space, new whatever, I'd do my shower curtain snapshot.

So, petty revenge and the feel good factor abated fairly fast, but dammit, I still have that shower curtain and it's about to move again with me across state lines.

[Neumond]

The emblem-thing made me laugh. And the "photo-stalking" is pretty funny.

I don´t do comeuppance. When someone wronged me I distance myself from them. And I also don´t nurse grudges. (Well I try...)

The only thing that could come close to a comeuppance:

When I was a teen I was one of these late bloomers. I looked like twelve when I was actually sixteen years old. That´s harsh for a teenage-girl. I was also a nerd-girl with a thing for computer games, science and fantasy... (and no it wasn´t a good thing then!).

It was ok, I had many friends and there were still boys interested and all.

But there were also two really mean boys. They were saying I looked like a boy and I were ugly...

I´m still glad for my great class comrades who stood up for me and tried to comfort me. Thing is: as a stupid teen I didn´t believe them that I wasn´t ugly and these boys were just complete ********.

Fast forward a few years. I´m twenty and I looked like it ;).

I was out almost every other day at the time. And I met them both again in clubs.

And both tried to hit on me, independently.

One didn´t recognized me and tried to impress me with everything he had (it wasn´t much). He came back again and again that night and tried his luck.

I couldn´t believe it.

When I let him know, who I was he was completely stunned. I will never forget this look!

The other saw me and his eyes got wide instantly. He came over and said (translated): You look awesome!

His face was just frozen with astonishment.

A friend (who didn´t knew him) was like: You really have to do better than this gal! This girl is classes above you!

Yeah I´m smiling now... It´s silly I know... But it really hurt me, when I was a teen.

Funny thing is, nowadays I sometimes wish I could go back to this tomboyish sixteen year old self of me, who was able to befriend boys for real. Now, I have the feeling friendships with males are really complicated. I guess it´s the way they look at you... Like you are not a human being, more like a thing.

[Crazydog7]

Revenge is good however you can get it just try to be creative about it not unnessicarily cruel. Most of my revenge stories start this way so bear with me growing up with a disability could sort of suck and you learn to let go of the small things or your just pissed off all the time. Now get this in Virginia in the mid 90s you had to make the disabled children participate in gym class because they had to learn to establish themselves as part of a social group but you couldn’t allow them to actually participate in the physical activities because were they to fail it would be bad for their self esteem. 6^th grade was particularly rough because I had to deal with the one prick in gym class who always thought it was hilarious to kick open the stall door while I was taking a crap.

Now I have to Segway a bit here normally of course stall doors aren’t a problem just lock it but none of the damn doors in the locker room ever had locks. I think the reason was that of the two coaches Smith was alright and he was helpful later on. The other coach who’s name I never bothered to learn because the older boys warned the younger kids to stay the fuck away always had to watch us in the shower to if I remember correctly “make sure no horseplay was going on”

Now back to my problem I did what I could to avoid this kid but this went on September October, November December. In retrospect I really let that go on way to long but it took me that long to figure out a way to handle it.

The day after Christmas break I went into the stall and waited he would always press his heard against the stall sniggering in anticipation of what he was about to do this actually was a saving grace because it served as my early warning system. This time when I heard him sniggering I just shoved the door as hard as I could. I didn’t really mean to hurt him but I was probably just that angry and he wasn’t expecting it he went spinning into the tile wall and chipped two of his teeth. There wasn’t as much blood as my memory always says there was but I defiantly felt vindicated. He goes and gets the good coach and starts to spin some story about how I hit him which everyone who had been in the area of the locker room at the time said was bullshit. Coach Smith sent the jackass kid to the nurse sent the others out to run and cIapped me on the back. I don’t know how the cause of all this fixed his teeth or what rationale he came up with but it didn’t blow back on me and he never so much as looked in my direction again after that.

[Solmyr]

My latest revenge is probably minor and petty by comparison, but I rarely take time for elaborate, premeditated retributions.

The set is an online game that I play within a large, but also rather closed community. One of the quests was very difficult to do as only one person could do it at a time. I set up my alarm clock earlier than usual to do it in the small hours of the morning before work, when fewer people are about. When I arrived there, there were still several people waiting to do it. I managed to do it first, mainly through fast reflexes, leaving the bunch of them to wait for 15mins until another person can complete it.

It was then when one of the people, who failed to do it, started flaming me. He profaned profusely and even threatened to set his guild against ours - I checked his guild tag and saw he's indeed part of a big guild (probably big enough to rival ours). I didn't know what position he holds within their guild, but odds were that with that attitude he wasn't part of their leadership. Took screenshots of the entire conversation - it was mostly a monologue on his part.

Same evening I got in touch with their guild leadership and explained the incident, presenting the evidence too. They were quite understanding and also alarmed by his behaviour - promised to look into it. We also got to talking about other things and eventually made a tacit agreement to have our guilds work together on some common goals. The entire incident ended up bringing us together, instead of apart. Too bad for that guy tho, he might not last there much longer.

[Kelli Fury]

My sister knew this jerkass from high school who cheated on his live in girlfriend, who threw him out. Now, Amber is the nice one of the Fury siblings and lets this guy use the 2nd bedroom in her apartment that she has just upgraded to a 2br because she is 7 months pregnant with her first spawn, and this is a room they planned to get ready for him. Under their agreement he had to give them $100/mo and had to be out before the baby came. In practice, he never gave them a dime, upgraded their cable services to more than twice the previous amount without their knowledge and obviously without paying any, which they did not realize for several months. He also left the premise before the baby came but left all of his belongings (including, without their knowledge, loaded handguns) in the room for 6 months. When he finally set a date to collect his shit, I arranged to be there the day before. This guy is very allergic to cats. So, my darling Guava and I went through the items. Every capsule in many bottles of vitamins was rubbed on my feline accomplice's head. He, barely out of kittenhood, tunneled through every pant leg and shirt sleeve. I swaddled him in this guy's boxers. Nothing in the room was left unacquainted with Guava. He collected his things, and the next time I saw him a few weeks later I asked how his allergies were this season. He told me they'd been pretty bad. At this, I explained that was likely because he took advantage of my sister's kindness and screwed her over, so I rubbed cats all over everything he owned. We've not spoken since.

[Theda Baratheon]

I was bullied in school for around 5 yrs and sometimes I still like to imagine the glorious downfall of a select few of the little shits.

Mostly my little revenges (I love revenge lol) are really petty and just consist of getting killed on an MMO unprepared and finding the person only to kill them repeatedly until I got bored. They actually all take part in various MMOs i've played hahaha. Had someone wrong me when I was just minding my own business so I got loads of aggro and monsters following me to where he was fortunately still fighting using loads of aoe spells so they all started attacking him and i ran away before he died and theyd attack me but went back a minute later and saw his corpse muahahaha. Sometimes i sort of wish for an arch nemesis to slowly and carefully defeat though.

[Elder Sister]

When I first read this topic, I sanctimoniously thought to myself that I had no revenge stories to share. Then I remembered this one.

I worked with a guy for years who is probably one of the most egotistical, self centered people I have ever known. In the middle of my breast cancer surgeries, treatment, etc., he showed up in my office one day to tell me about his new job, promotions, and his stellar rise to the top. Not once did he ever ask how I was doing, or ask me anything about myself or any other topic not pertaining to him.

When we still worked together, we were both senior management where I work, so we were in staff meeting together every week. This guy is not very bright, and likes to use big words. He would talk about 'fragrant safety violations' and how he had 'thrown down the gondola' (still a favorite for me - I love to use this one and we all still say it at the office). One day, he attempted to call me out and dress me down in front of a group of 20 people. I handled it with aplomb, but from that moment on, I was well and truly pissed with this guy. I plotted revenge.

So, (and I'm not proud of this) I started doctoring the 'word a day' emails I received and forwarded them to him. I managed to do this for a good little while before he left the company, and he actually used some of them. The joy that this gave me was so, so sweet.

I'm not a nice person.

[Bryanfury]

Mines pretty boring. In 2012 when I started university, I moved into the middle of the city with 3 friends. One of them would ridicule me behind my back about the degree I was doing (education) and would basically be a two-faced dickhead, pretending to support me to my face while telling all our other mates that he was sure I would fail. He turned out to be the most lazy, disgusting piece of shit roommate you could have, and I eventually moved out. He started uni at the same time as me doing a bachelor of arts, majoring in psychology and philosophy. Well, long story short, I not only finished my degree, I did it with a pretty decent B+ average, while he absolutely flunked out and started working fulltime in a call centre. To this day he goes around saying he's studying astrophysics and one day will get his doctorate, but everyone knows he failed and has resorted to personally paying for one off papers at a time (as opposed to taking 8 papers a year paid via student loan - they stopped giving him loans because he failed over half his papers in the first year). So I feel pretty good about proving to that lazy asswipe that I can achieve tertiary education whilst he cannot. It feels fucking great knowing I have a degree he swore black and blue I'd never get while he has spent 4 years now on his degree and is barely into second year papers.

As an aside, he also goes around claiming he's rich by spending all of his income from his call centre job on expensive clothes (apparently he has three $3000 suits and that makes him a "baller"). And then he tries to pass off his dads Jaguar car off as his own because he put forward about 10% of the money for it. The guy is laughing stock amongst his old friends and he's essentially lost his old friends because of his arrogant, uptight, confrontational attitude.

[Ser Scot A Ellison]

Revenge is nothing but empty laughter and bitter ashes. Why would I want that?

[Dr. Pepper]

Revenge is nothing but empty laughter and bitter ashes. Why would I want that?

Because it's the best cure for smugness and sticks up asses.

[Ser Scot A Ellison]

Dr. Pepper,

No, not in my experience. It's very shallow, empty, and thin. I always feel more guilt at delighting in someones suffering than I've ever felt pleasure at some "comeuppance". YMMV

[Theda Baratheon]

Then this probably isn't the thread for you, Scot, lol

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

Freshman year of high school the class bully was giving me a hard time and I gave him the back of my hand in front of his friends. He eventually left the school sophomore year when someone split his forehead open with a garbage can. The last time I saw him blood was trickling down his face.

[Dr. Pepper]

Dr. Pepper,

No, not in my experience. It's very shallow, empty, and thin. I always feel more guilt at delighting in someones suffering than I've ever felt pleasure at some "comeuppance". YMMV

Fair enough. I usually find it shallow, empty and thin to go into threads with the express purpose to bully and insult entire groups of people. But YMMV

[Ser Scot A Ellison]

Dr, Pepper,

Then you miatake my purpose. I'm just asking people to look at their pleasure a little harder. I've, to my embarrasment, delighted in other's suffering too.

[OnionAhaiReborn]

When we still worked together, we were both senior management where I work, so we were in staff meeting together every week. This guy is not very bright, and likes to use big words. He would talk about 'fragrant safety violations' and how he had 'thrown down the gondola' (still a favorite for me - I love to use this one and we all still say it at the office).

This is one of the greatest things I've ever heard.

[Dr. Pepper]

Dr, Pepper,

Then you miatake my purpose. I'm just asking people to look at their pleasure a little harder. I've, to my embarrasment, delighted in other's suffering too.

Thanks for that healthy dose of Wednesday Paternalism. I feel I can safely navigate my day.

And yes, we know you frequently delight in other people's suffering.