The Glorious Comeuppance Thread

[Derfel Cadarn]

This guy Rob was supposed to marry my daughter, but instead married some other girl instead. I pretended to let it go until his uncle's wedding, where I had him and his mother killed.

Sewing his pet's head onto his body might have been taking it too far, though.

[Dr. Pepper]

I was bullied in school for around 5 yrs and sometimes I still like to imagine the glorious downfall of a select few of the little shits.

Mostly my little revenges (I love revenge lol) are really petty and just consist of getting killed on an MMO unprepared and finding the person only to kill them repeatedly until I got bored. They actually all take part in various MMOs i've played hahaha. Had someone wrong me when I was just minding my own business so I got loads of aggro and monsters following me to where he was fortunately still fighting using loads of aoe spells so they all started attacking him and i ran away before he died and theyd attack me but went back a minute later and saw his corpse muahahaha. Sometimes i sort of wish for an arch nemesis to slowly and carefully defeat though.

I wish I had learned to play video games because this sounds like the best.

[Neumond]

Elder sister: This guy sounds scary like a psychopath or something related...

[Nymeria10k]

I'm not really a revenge person.. I was bullied in high school but I guess karma got to them or something. They used to mock me for being smart, pretty much. I'm about to graduate from university and as far as I know, most didn't get past high school. Some probably made something out of their lives, good for them. I don't think any of my bullies went to university.

My moment of sweet triumph came when I was in my last year of high school. There was a big area that led to all the other classrooms, a lot of people hung out there during break and lunch. There was a big curving bench in the middle and me and my friends were sat there (all year 11s). A bunch of year 9 twats decided to try and take our space. I told them we were here first and to please leave, but he wasn't having any of it and was being a dick. He went and told his sister that I was being mean to him or something and she came over. She was also a year 11 like us, I vaguely knew her. She was a horrible slut, quite mean, and thought I was bullying her brother. I told her we'd gotten here first and quickly frankly her bro was being a twat and should leave. She wouldn't have any of it. I got really pissed off that day and insulted her with everything I could think of, including that she looked like a fucking tangerine (too much foundation making her look like an oompa loompa). She walked away. My friends started applauding me like you go girl, stand up to that bitch (most of us didn't really like her lol.) then my friend comes up to me and whispers in my ear 'you do know you just insulted the toughest girl in school right?' and I'm like yeah so? She's a bitch and needed to hear that. Sweet, sweet glory. I'm not one for fights really so I don't get into this kind of thing much.

Anyway she wanted to fight me afterwards but I avoided her like the plague and nothing really happened after that. I consider it a win on my part and she never did anything to me or anyone really after that. She's still a slut even now. LOL

I'm kind of a boring person XD

This probably doesn't really count as revenge but some old Bosnian lady stole £20 from a guy at my uni the other week and I stepped in trying to get the money back, she and her buddy kept insisting they didn't have the money, we called the police. I sure hope he got his money back. At least I did something lol.

[Isis]

Throwing down the gondola. I LOVE that! I wish I worked with someone that ignorant just for the lols (just without the being a malicious arsehole part of it). The actual revenge was amusing too. Good work.

Also cat-fluffing revenge is a beautiful thing.

Nice. :)

[The Once and Future King]

This revenge was my Dads but its awesome. Dad is a really good guy who took a dieing brand in the 80s amd kept it going for 25 years.

Last year some new blood came on the board and tried to streamline the company. (Cut staff, Freeze hirings, promote from outside rather than within)

When my dad fought them the board split. The vote would have been close but it would have gone to court and destroyed the company. So my Dad resigned.

The day my dad resigned their were 97 companies tied to the brand. A week later their were 42. My dad opened a new brand down the block and has had incredible success with many of the people downsized from his old company.

Just goes to show morals sometimes work out in business

[MercenaryChef]

I was a small bespectacled and awkward lad with odd interests in a rural farming/logging town. I had few friends and was a general pariah. Mockery and bullying were ordinary fare.

So, my vengeance was moving away, following my dreams, becoming a success and leaving that world behind.

Oh, and once I pissed all over a dude's gym bag while we were on a overnight wrestling trip for frequently hazing me.

It is a toss up on what has brought me more satisfaction in life.

[Elder Sister]

Throwing down the gondola. I LOVE that! I wish I worked with someone that ignorant just for the lols (just without the being a malicious arsehole part of it). The actual revenge was amusing too. Good work.

Also cat-fluffing revenge is a beautiful thing.

Nice. :)

I miss this guy so much. I cannot tell you how boring meetings are now without his mispronunciations and word misuse.

I long for the days when people were throwing down gondolas, fragrantly breaking rules, and so, so, many more little jewels.

[Tears of Lys]

This guy Rob was supposed to marry my daughter, but instead married some other girl instead. I pretended to let it go until his uncle's wedding, where I had him and his mother killed.

Sewing his pet's head onto his body might have been taking it too far, though.

Love. It.

:lol:

[Theda Baratheon]

I miss this guy so much. I cannot tell you how boring meetings are now without his mispronunciations and word misuse.

I long for the days when people were throwing down gondolas, fragrantly breaking rules, and so, so, many more little jewels.

I would love someone in work like that hahahhaahha who was also mean so me anf my friends wouldnt feel bad about laughing at him hahaha

[Mlle. Zabzie]

My mind doesn't really work that way. The couple of times I've actively tried to get revenge, it's backfired spectacularly (I'm just sort of crap at it). That said, I've had some really satisfying moments where people have been hoisted by their own petards (so to speak). My favorite (which was hurtful at the time, but I was 12):

The girl (let's call her ML) that I thought was my "best friend" (we had been inseparable all through elementary school) apparently decided when we hit middle school that I was no longer "cool" and did not want to be seen with me. Whatever, I never had much to do with that kind of nonsense - I am who I am and always have been. Anyhow, invitations go around to her thirteenth birthday. Naturally, I am invited. It is to be a coed party, but a sports theme (I think we were to play volleyball on a racquetball court or something). Excellent. So far so good. Well, there was another girl that I was friends with who lived down at the end of the road. Her mom called my mom to arrange a car pool (which makes sense). They arrange that Mrs. S will take us to the party. At that point, Mrs. S says "so you will pick the girls up tomorrow morning." My mother says "say what?"

Turns out that all the girls except for me have been invited to a sleepover afterwards. As additional background, you have to understand that Mr. and Mrs. L used to do a lot of things socially with my parents, and my mother (who had not had a full time job while I was in elementary school) gladly drove around ML to our various classes.

So, Mrs. L is now found out. think Mrs. S calls Mrs. L, who then calls my mother and says "Mrs. Z, ML asked at the last moment to have a sleepover, and I'm calling all the moms to see if the girls can stay." (This was, of course horseshit, as my mother and Mrs. S had already ascertained). My mother explains the whole thing to me and gives me a choice as to what I wanted to do (I could attend no part of the party, the first part or the whole thing). What I chose isn't very important.

But the fall out was more delicious. ML lost some friends. I think I actually earned some cool points. Mr. and Mrs. L lost a chauffer as my mother simply stopped being able to drive their daughter anywhere, so ML lost some after school programs.

[Larry of the Lawn]

Ah, revenge, the prominent hobby of board nobility.

Fair warning: this story is degrading to my character. If you want to think less of me, keep reading!

Trigger warnings for people who vomit easily.

My junior year of college one of roommates studied abroad in the spring, leaving a vacant spot in our university housing. It was a triple, and the other roomie and I were kind of nervous about whether or not the school would stick us with another one or not.

Well about two weeks into the semester this grad student emails the two of us saying that hes been assigned to our room. Turns out my roommate knew him through a friend, and we were just glad the guy was okay with us smoking weed in the room, which was really our only criteria anyway.

Turns out this is a lousy only criterium.

The guy was really preachy about how, "like, the system is totally fucked, man!" and he was really selfrighteous and annoying. But it got real bad the night I returned from Spring Break to find him doing a bunch of coke with a freshman girl. They informed me they were also on acid, and that she'd never tried any drugs before. This sounded like a recipe for bad things, even to my weed-addled mind.

My other roommate and I went in the other room to confer. He said that University police had been by earlier in the day looking for SelfRighteousStoner Roommate. Said they'd heard he was living there and wanted to talk to him. So it came about in this conversation that the SRS roommate had never even been assigned to our room, but had just kind of wormed his way in by telling us he had been, probably because he knew we were a couple of degenerate potheads.

Anyway, it seemed like the guy had been dealing coke and was wanted by university police. This was too much for us to overlook, and something had to be done. Not being snitches, the two of us went to a friends house around the corner to brainstorm.

Brainstorming was getting really drunk and stoned, and then deciding the best revenge would be for SRS roomie to be covered in vomit during his acid/coke binge. So I took another few shots to get the nausea creeping in, filled up a water bottle with mayonaise, ketchup, maple syrup, vinegar and some rancid milk, and went back to my room. A few friends were in tow to watch what was about to happen.

Already on the brink of puking, I paused outside the bedroom door, took a big swig of the nasty stuff, then burst into the room. SRS roomie was in bed with the freshman girl, they sat bolt upright, startled, and I ejected the contents of my stomach directly onto his torso. I then turned around and bolted out of the room and ran back to my friends house around the corner.

He moved out the next day. Don't be a dishonest couch surfer and sell hard drugs.

Ps the room stank for days.

[Elder Sister]

Larry, your story is more gross than the time in college when I was a wee bit lit and stored some boiled shrimp in a new handbag, and then promptly forgot about them until 2 days later.

[Larry of the Lawn]

Were you sneaking them into movie for a snack? It sure would be something to be in a movie and then someone a few seats away pulls out some contraband shellfish.

[OnionAhaiReborn]

Ps the room stank for days.

So what you're saying is that this was a... fragrant violation?

[sperry]

In college I was standing outside a bar at closing time waiting on a booty call to meet me outside. Random drunk guy is berating everyone near him. He comes up to me dangles the keys to his cadillac in my face and tells me I'm "ugly." Completely unprovoked, mind you. I'm in a pretty good mood since I'm gonna get laid, so I let it slide and simply say "that wasn't very nice." He proceeds to punch me directly in the face, which is the only time I've been punched in my life. Luckily for me, I have an incredibly thick skull, so while it doesn't feel pleasant, it feels more like getting hit in the head with a basketball or something, and I kind of bounce back but don't' fall down. This guy is quite a bit bigger than me, and I'm not a fighter, so I don't retaliate. A bunch of random people run and grab him to hold him back. We're in the main campus bar area, so naturally there are tons of cops patrolling. One starts to drive by almost immediately, so I hail him down, tell him that I was just assaulted and point to the asshole. The cops go over to talk to him and he shoves the cop. He is then picked up, body slammed into the hood of the car, dropped off the hood of the car face first onto the concrete, kneed in the back, and handcuffed. I'm fairly certain that he was charged with felony battery on a law enforcement officer.

It was the most glorious thing I've ever seen.

[Tears of Lys]

In college I was standing outside a bar at closing time waiting on a booty call to meet me outside. Random drunk guy is berating everyone near him. He comes up to me dangles the keys to his cadillac in my face and tells me I'm "ugly." Completely unprovoked, mind you. I'm in a pretty good mood since I'm gonna get laid, so I let it slide and simply say "that wasn't very nice." He proceeds to punch me directly in the face, which is the only time I've been punched in my life. Luckily for me, I have an incredibly thick skull, so while it doesn't feel pleasant, it feels more like getting hit in the head with a basketball or something, and I kind of bounce back but don't' fall down. This guy is quite a bit bigger than me, and I'm not a fighter, so I don't retaliate. A bunch of random people run and grab him to hold him back. We're in the main campus bar area, so naturally there are tons of cops patrolling. One starts to drive by almost immediately, so I hail him down, tell him that I was just assaulted and point to the asshole. The cops go over to talk to him and he shoves the cop. He is then picked up, body slammed into the hood of the car, dropped off the hood of the car face first onto the concrete, kneed in the back, and handcuffed. I'm fairly certain that he was charged with felony battery on a law enforcement officer.

It was the most glorious thing I've ever seen.

I felt good just reading about it! Truly a case of instant karma.

[Raja]

Still reading, quite a few funny stories here.

'Throwing down the Gondola' though, man, I'd be on the floor if that happened in front of me.

[drawkcabi]

When I was in 8th grade I went through a string of days where someone kept throwing tater tots at the back of my head. When I finally pinpointed who was doing it I saved about a fourth of my milk from lunch and when I got up to bring back my tray I dumped the milk on his head.

The guy was outraged, probably would have hit me if other kids weren't holding him back. I got sent to the disciplinarian's office. He called my mom, she stifled a laugh when he told her what I had done.

That was it, I was in no further trouble and I didn't get tater tots thrown at me ever again.

[Arkhangel]

A girl who was an absolute bitch and a bully in high school is now an embarassing internet meme. Could not possibly have happened to a better person, even if I had nothing to do with it.