Dating Thread: In Memoriam

[Crixus]

I tried Bumble a couple of years ago when I'd broken up with my bf. I think online dating is definitely skewed toward women: I created an extremely basic, thin profile and had literally 100s of 'requests' or whatever it's called in the first 2 hours. Since women have to initiate contact, I tried sifting through and got in touch with a few. My criteria was pretty much 'I'd like to get to know someone, not interested in a quick shag'. Thing is, a lot of the men prominently featured 'interested in a real relationship' etc. on their profiles but once I connected with them, all but one wanted to immediately meet up or even, lol, come over!!1!

There was one I chatted with for a few days, found him nice enough, and finally mustered the nerve to meet at a bar near my place. The date was pleasant enough, but literally the next day he started messaging me on the lines of 'if you're not interested in meeting at my place this evening, I have another chick who is'. So, yeah, that was it. 

Luckily, my bf and I reconnected a few months later and things have been great since. I cannot imagine doing this again and if I am ever single, I guess I'll just be celibate :P. 

 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

1 hour ago, Tears of Lys said:

I hope one of the hard conversations has to do with what your role in her kids' lives will be.  Marrying into a ready-made family is something I know a little something about, so if you have any questions, feel free to pick my brain - what there is of it.    

We talked about it, funny thing is the kid has the same name as me and doesn't love it, but I'll look out for him and am sure I can win him over. She's also thumbs up with having a few more kids so that alleviated my concerns. Even more so she wasn't sure before if she wanted to leave NM, but now is fine coming back to MN or going wherever I want to. 

[3CityApache]

14 minutes ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

that alleviated my concerns. Even more so she wasn't sure before if she wanted to leave NM, but now is fine coming back to MN or going wherever I want to. 

Don't wanna sound like a prick, but isn't such an abrupt change of mind a little concerning? Doesn't it seem a bit desperate? Not that being desperate is necessarily wrong, but perhaps a little caution is in order, is all I'm saying.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

14 minutes ago, 3CityApache said:

Don't wanna sound like a prick, but isn't such an abrupt change of mind a little concerning? Doesn't it seem a bit desperate? Not that being desperate is necessarily wrong, but perhaps a little caution is in order, is all I'm saying.

Could be, it's not like it hadn't crossed my mind. But sometimes the risks are worth it. 

[Toth]

14 hours ago, Spockydog said:

I certainly wouldn't consider myself extremely attractive. I make the most of what I have. And you don't need professionally shot photos. Some decently framed selfies will do just fine, has been my experience so far, at least.

Well, good luck then! If it works, it works. If it doesn't, just be aware of how bleak it is.

14 hours ago, Spockydog said:

As an aside, I think that signing up to one of my Lazyscrog pilot schemes would do you the world of good. There will be quite a few women involved, we'll be doing regular zoom calls, and I'm pretty sure that your empathy for, along with your ability to care for, all kinds of plants, would score you many points. Something to think about, perhaps.

That's a really weird pitch. Sorry, but I pass.

[Spockydog]

2 hours ago, Toth said:

That's a really weird pitch. Sorry, but I pass.

What's weird about it?

 

[A Horse Named Stranger]

3 hours ago, Spockydog said:

What's weird about it?

 

Intention vs. perception.

Intention good: I assume to get Toth out of his shell and interact with a few ladies.

Perception: You pimping out your potential future employees. (again, I am clearly saying not your intention, just pointing out how one can read your offer)

Edited February 23 by A Horse Named Stranger

[Spockydog]

Ew, didn't mean to be creepy.

I know of two people who worked at HSBC, didn't know each other, met while on on one my training courses, and then went and got married. Was thinking about these peeps when I sent that message.

Edited February 23 by Spockydog

[Spockydog]

Anyway, had to field a an accusation today that my tinder profile photos are fake. So I put up some new ones.

[Tears of Lys]

9 hours ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

We talked about it, funny thing is the kid has the same name as me and doesn't love it, but I'll look out for him and am sure I can win him over. She's also thumbs up with having a few more kids so that alleviated my concerns. Even more so she wasn't sure before if she wanted to leave NM, but now is fine coming back to MN or going wherever I want to. 

Is the kid(s) father in the picture at all?  That will have a big influence on things.

[Spockydog]

So I now have a profile on Match, where I have had a couple of nice interactions tonight. It seems less 'scammy' than some of the other sites.

But we shall see...

I chatted for a couple of hours with a Brazilian teaching assistant from Kew, who, if she is a real person, sounds absolutely lovely. She loves football. She loves animals, and has never been to Regents Park Zoo. I told her I can't go to zoos anymore as they just make me sad. But I also told her that if she is in fact a real human being, and not some big, disgusting, slippery catfish, I will take her to the zoo, and to dinner afterwards.

Also had fun chatting with a slightly older, incredibly sexy, City power-type. I don't know exactly what she does or where she does it. Her profile is basically just a bunch of lovely pictures, accompanied by funny, cryptic hints about her personal stuff. She has promised to answer any questions I have if I meet her for coffee in Muswell Hill on Sunday afternoon.

 

Edited February 24 by Spockydog

[A Horse Named Stranger]

On 2/23/2024 at 5:14 PM, Spockydog said:

Ew, didn't mean to be creepy.

I know of two people who worked at HSBC, didn't know each other, met while on on one my training courses, and then went and got married. Was thinking about these peeps when I sent that message.

Like I said, didn't suspect you to have had any malice when posting it, just a bit tonedeaf/blind to how it can come across.

Only revisited it to point out, that's definitely how you should rebrand your product.

The Plant Pimp I mean, I can see a marketing campaign centered around Snoop Dog to sell it. (Yes, I just wanted to get that Snoop Dog idea out).

[Spockydog]

3 minutes ago, A Horse Named Stranger said:

The Plant Pimp I mean, I can see a marketing campaign centered around Snoop Dog to sell it. (Yes, I just wanted to get that Snoop Dog idea out).

Would love to work with the Snoop. Guy is a total legend.

[Toth]

On 2/23/2024 at 8:24 AM, Crixus said:

There was one I chatted with for a few days, found him nice enough, and finally mustered the nerve to meet at a bar near my place. The date was pleasant enough, but literally the next day he started messaging me on the lines of 'if you're not interested in meeting at my place this evening, I have another chick who is'. So, yeah, that was it.

I feel like the algorithm has on purpose been trained to only show you people you are incompatible with. Can't become a paying customer if you find a good match and leave after all... So it's just good business... because otherwise I can't understand why it's such a bad experience for women as well.

10 hours ago, Spockydog said:

So I now have a profile on Match, where I have had a couple of nice interactions tonight. It seems less 'scammy' than some of the other sites.

Looks like more "local" sites seem to be doing better in general. I have also heard stuff about Facebook Dating working surprisingly well. But as someone who managed to stay away from the cesspool that is Facebook and its lizard overlord... not keen on changing that.

And while I may have sounded a bit grim and negative in my last replies here... and while it's true that I haven't succeeded yet in going to any of the Meetup thingies, I... must admit I am currently again at one of my "up" point where I actually don't feel the loneliness and don't have any urge to go out. Granted I'm also feeling extremely tired from work right now and don't have much motivation to do anything at all. Technically I also played with the thought of trying a board game meet-up tomorrow, but I'm not at all in the mood.

Btw, I know I should focus on just trying to get friends first, but I can't help but notice when scrolling through meetups and their attendance lists that it's like 90-95% guys on there. Kinda reinforces my thought that there are no single women out there. Particularly in my age range. Anyone with low enough standards for a guy like me have found somebody to settle down with a decade ago.

[kissdbyfire]

7 minutes ago, Toth said:

Anyone with low enough standards for a guy like me have found somebody to settle down with a decade ago

Stop, just don't do this to yourself! I don't know you, but from your posts here it's glaringly obvious that you're smart, you can be funny, and can and do engaging in conversations on a variety of topics. All traits most women I know value a lot. I also know the "constantly putting yourself down" trait works as a repellent. 

[Spockydog]

6 minutes ago, kissdbyfire said:

Stop, just don't do this to yourself! I don't know you, but from your posts here it's glaringly obvious that you're smart, you can be funny, and can and do engaging in conversations on a variety of topics. All traits most women I know value a lot. I also know the "constantly putting yourself down" trait works as a repellent. 

This. I sometimes have a hard time reconciling your thoughtfulness and obvious intellect with all the negative stuff you say about yourself. 

How old are you? 

Have you ever tried life coaching? 

Edited February 24 by Spockydog

[Tears of Lys]

@Toth  So what if one of the meet-up places are mostly attended by guys?  Most guys have sisters and cousins too, y'know.

And perhaps starting with just plain friendship rather than romance would hone your people interaction skills.

You don't seem to have a problem chatting with us, except for a few personality tics that I"m sure everyone has noticed.  

 

ETA:  And you appear to have a very low energy level.  Anytime an opportunity presents itself, you're too tired.  How old are you, man?  I've got quite a few years on you and I'll go out at the drop of a hat!

Edited February 24 by Tears of Lys

[Toth]

1 hour ago, kissdbyfire said:

Stop, just don't do this to yourself! I don't know you, but from your posts here it's glaringly obvious that you're smart, you can be funny, and can and do engaging in conversations on a variety of topics. All traits most women I know value a lot. I also know the "constantly putting yourself down" trait works as a repellent. 

And yet I'm looking far too young for my age (I'm 30, but still to this day get regularly mistaken for underage), with a variety of things about my face that make me look ugly and misshapen, I have a job with an abysmal work-life-balance, can't compute any social situations and have a problematic home situation that would have a potential partner forced to essentially marry my mother. I'm well aware of these flaws, too aware I admit, but it's stuff like that that makes me say stuff like the above. I'm not a guy who could make any heart flutter.

41 minutes ago, Tears of Lys said:

And perhaps starting with just plain friendship rather than romance would hone your people interaction skills.

Yes, of course, that was my intention when I signed up on Meetup and tried to search for things I could be into. But it's so damn hard to go to some place, with all their existing groups and not bounce straight off.

41 minutes ago, Tears of Lys said:

You don't seem to have a problem chatting with us, except for a few personality tics that I"m sure everyone has noticed.  

And now imagine me in real life being both considerably better (as I never voice any of this self-deprecation, as I avoid talking about anything personal at all) while at the same time infinitely worse, given my penchant to just... question people about their stuff and when they only give one-word replies, start to ramble and bore them. Or in case I succeed and they talk about stuff, they then voice their annoyance with me interrogating them, like I had experienced a few weeks ago during some training seminar. While at the same time shutting down and forcefully change topics when any personal topic comes up.

41 minutes ago, Tears of Lys said:

ETA:  And you appear to have a very low energy level.  Anytime an opportunity presents itself, you're too tired.

I don't know... I guess a low social battery that already gets drained enough by my job. It also doesn't help that I usually have to work on the weekends as well with preparations and corrections and am always behind in bureaucratic duties these days. I just don't have much time in general. On weekdays I have to be up at 4:50 am, particularly now when there are so many strikes at the public transports, and am back at 4:30 pm at the earliest. Doesn't leave much room to do anything afterwards. Particularly when one is as prone to headaches and scratchy throats like I am constantly having these days.

I suppose another thing is that this particular thing is supposed to be a "board game" meet-up, but in the comments one dude writes they play "Blood on the Clocktower" every week. Which, when I googled it, seems to be just Werewolf with character sheets. And I consider that a pretty steep thing to approach when I imagined to just... play some board games and have some conversation develop aside from it, not some elaborate social game where the point is for the group to single out and eliminate people.

1 hour ago, Spockydog said:

Have you ever tried life coaching? 

I tried Mindfulness, but am extremely bad at sticking to the exercises and keep forgetting them when I'm stressed.

Edited February 24 by Toth

[BigFatCoward]

13 hours ago, Spockydog said:

 

Also had fun chatting with a slightly older, incredibly sexy, City power-type. I don't know exactly what she does or where she does it. Her profile is basically just a bunch of lovely pictures, accompanied by funny, cryptic hints about her personal stuff. She has promised to answer any questions I have if I meet her for coffee in Muswell Hill on Sunday afternoon.

 

Don't trust her. She just wants to be Jordan Belfort to your Steve Madden. 

[Spockydog]

Fuck it. Just bought a ticket for this:

Speed Dating in City Of London

Right. Where did I leave my Paco Rabane?