Mlle. Zabzie

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About Mlle. Zabzie

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  • Birthday 08/25/1977

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  1. I'll go sincere for a sec: "All men are created equal"
  2. How did you get into your field of work/ study?

    When I was in my senior year in college, I didn't know what I wanted to do after I graduated. I knew I didn't want to be an investment banker, consultant or accountant, and I didn't want to work for the government. I had some small notion of going to graduate school for economics. So I studied for the GRE, and for the heck of it also studied for the LSAT. I did very well on the LSAT and applied to law school almost on a whim. I got into better law schools than grad schools, so decided to go to law school. THIS IS AN OBJECTIVELY TERRIBLE REASON TO GO TO LAW SCHOOL. Anyhow, I ended up loving it. I decided to go into tax based on the experiences I had in my second summer clerkship/internship. I enjoyed the work, and got a lot of encouragement from the partners in the group to join. So I did. And it turns out, I'm pretty good at it. I've stayed at a big law firm because (i) I genuinely love the work and the rush I get from solving problems, (ii) I'm a glutton for punishment and (iii) they pay me really well.
  3. Let's Talk About Domestic Violence...

    And I'm sure he's trying to make sure she doesn't have them. I can understand how hard it would be though.
  4. Let's Talk About Domestic Violence...

    CCLT. Thank you so much for sharing.
  5. Police killed at Dallas protest

    I'm just so sad, about all of it.
  6. First memory of a news story: Reagan getting shot. First news story I remember caring about: Challenger explosion.
  7. 2016 KC WorldCon: MidAmeriCon II Aug 17-21

    I am supposed to come, but literally just found out that I may need to be in court the 16th-18th. Hoping to change flight.
  8. Infidelity

    Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.
  9. Infidelity

    Thanks. This is helpful. I'm trying to figure out how I would handle the (probably inevitable) relapse. I think he is "scared straight" enough for now that I think he will be good for a few months, but then, the holidays, and then, the dark days of winter, and then, whatever other triggers come up. (Though, last night at an event, he confessed he had some rum cake - not sure if it was soaked in rum or just rum was used in the baking, but definitely made me clench up). I personally need to spend a fair bit of time with my own therapist and in Al Anon figuring some of this stuff out. I agree that if his commitment to sobriety (whether there is a relapse or not) fails, then we are done. On the cheating, I think I understand some of what was going on. I definitely had emotionally (and physically) withdrawn because of the drinking. I was doing all the adulting for both of us. He was way more interested in alcohol than me (I now realize) so he had withdrawn, so my own withdrawal was part armor against being hurt by that and also because I was finding him increasingly distasteful when drunk. He's not the kindest person when not sober. I think he was feeling like I wasn't paying enough attention to him, and in particular wasn't relying on him (that part is true - I felt I couldn't - he was utterly unreliable). The fact that my job is so demanding he claims to equally admire, like and find attractive, while at the same time resenting (even saw it this weekend - had an unexpected call come up and he totally did not deal well - he owned it though for a change). He was enjoying (1) the rush of the illicit, (2) the attention of another attractive (much younger) woman who wasn't actually or constructively reminding him that he was a fat, drunken 40 something year old. The fact that he could "white knight" as well (meaning "help" her with her money problems) was just a bonus. And I think he liked being the "competent" person for a bit (and apparently she had also mentioned/noticed that he was "nicer" to her when drunk, which you know, he liked, because I was so the opposite and it gave him permission to drink). So, I get it, at least in part. Doesn't mean the relationship is salvageable. I will NEVER be a damsel in distress. I'm more of the Paper Bag Princess type. I'm going to disagree with him sometimes. I'm going to keep doing my job at a high level. And, I am emotionally guarded around him - not sure I can fix that after everything.
  10. Infidelity

    Thanks, Guy. I understand what you are saying, and I firmly believe that we had issues prior to this (because of his drinking, primarily). I also firmly believe and agree that he cheated for many of the same reasons that he drinks. That means, to me, that fixing the drinking will help, but doesn't fix the cheating issue. Make sense? And his sobriety is new. Right now he is doing and saying all the right things (including trying to develop an effective sobriety plan), but he hasn't really been tested yet. And I don't know how that will go.
  11. College Style Petitions for change in the workplace

    OMG, we are in some sort of mobius strip of offendedness. Stop, please stop. Young people do dumb things sometimes. Middle aged people do dumb things some times. Old people do dumb things sometimes. Also, jokes on the internet don't always work. Unless they involve cat pictures. Then they usually work.
  12. 2016 KC WorldCon: MidAmeriCon II Aug 17-21

    Awesome. Will definitely check in to find that. Arriving Thursday. Happy to contribute funding
  13. College Style Petitions for change in the workplace

    And I hated "Gen X slackers" (especially because I don't identify with Gen X - was born right on the line). So I TOTALLY get it.
  14. Infidelity

    Thanks Kay, Kara, Mormont. That's exactly right. "I did it because I was drunk" doesn't cut it. It doesn't cut it in a DUI and it doesn't cut it here. The alcoholism is a separate thing, that he seems to be addressing now, which is great! I really like him when he is sober! And yes, we have issues that are caused by his alcoholism. Those are real, and we need to address those (whether we stay together or not). And we had to address those whether he cheated or not. The cheating though is a separate issue. And I am curious, truly curious, about how people respond. It's been eye opening actually because the responses haven't been nearly as black and white as I had thought they would be (I tend to live my own life by moral absolutes, so perspective is good).