Dating Thread: In Memoriam

[BigFatCoward]

3 minutes ago, Maithanet said:

I'm surprised that a guy with no kids in his 40s who makes 100k a year would be unable to afford an annual trip to Europe.  Unless you are planning on staying at 5 star hotels the whole time, that seems extremely doable.  I did international trips to Argentina, Thailand, England, Belize, and Tanzania in the 2008-2014 timeframe, and I was making a lot less than that. 

Was thinking the same thing. 

I had 3 skiing holidays one year, and went to Kenya twice when I was making 2/3 of what I make now. 

[3CityApache]

Europe? Europe is overrated. I know, I live there after all.  

Speaking of which, I just decided to make myself a gift for my 50th birthday and fly to NYC for this year's US Open. Already bought tickets for all semifinals and men's final.

[BigFatCoward]

9 hours ago, 3CityApache said:

Europe? Europe is overrated. I know, I live there after all.  

Speaking of which, I just decided to make myself a gift for my 50th birthday and fly to NYC for this year's US Open. Already bought tickets for all semifinals and men's final.

Also the majority of Europe is cheap. Other than a few mental capital cities, Scananavia or lake como i cant think of uber pricey places.

I'm going more niche for my 50th. Going to watch biathlon in Norway. 

Edited April 17 by BigFatCoward

[Madame deVenoge]

2 hours ago, Maithanet said:

I'm surprised that a guy with no kids in his 40s who makes 100k a year would be unable to afford an annual trip to Europe.  Unless you are planning on staying at 5 star hotels the whole time, that seems extremely doable.  I did international trips to Argentina, Thailand, England, Belize, and Tanzania in the 2008-2014 timeframe, and I was making a lot less than that. 

Please don’t focus on “annual trip to Europe” because that’s achievable in the situation in which you describe. But that’s not what I’m aiming for.

Going to NYC and wine country a couple times a year, Europe a couple times a year…it’s lifestyle we are discussing, here, not “can he afford a one-week vacation to Europe once a year.”

This also ties in with level of socio-economic status / cultural sophistication - someone who doesn’t need to be dragged through a museum.

Most guys age 35 (or in your example, 40) who are making $100k / year are not that. I think we have sufficiently established that I am using “income” as a proxy for SES, which, yes, is not always correct.

And, no, I do NOT have to lower my standards; I seem to get enough men who meet my standards, and I don’t expect anything of anyone as a partner that is not currently achieved by me.

Although if he can cook, that’s a plus  

Edited April 16 by Madame deVenoge

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

3 hours ago, Derfel Cadarn said:

Today’s my 8th wedding anniversary

Congratulations on the sex 

[BigFatCoward]

7 hours ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

Congratulations on the sex 

Someone's never been married

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

7 hours ago, BigFatCoward said:

Someone's never been married

Hence why I don't have to plan on it once in a blue moon. 

[BigFatCoward]

1 minute ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

Hence why I don't have to plan on it once in a blue moon. 

It's more like once a lunar cycle. 

[Madame deVenoge]

11 hours ago, BigFatCoward said:

It's more like once a lunar cycle. 

Wow, you killed my hopes for marriage, right there.  
 

Naaaaw, I’m pretty sure I’d still want it most nights

 

[TheLastWolf]

Of all the false alarms, I think I just might be onto something here. And to think it begin in a book group lol.

Edited April 18 by TheLastWolf

[TheLastWolf]

Book exchange date over coffee 

[DMC]

On 4/16/2024 at 4:43 PM, Madame deVenoge said:

And, no, I do NOT have to lower my standards; I seem to get enough men who meet my standards, and I don’t expect anything of anyone as a partner that is not currently achieved by me.

I have no doubt and I’m definitely not judging.  That’s great for you!  Further, your point about men’s insecurities about women making more money than them is well taken.

I’m just talking here in generalities.  And I think in terms of using income as a proxy for SES/cultural sophistication that can be very muddied.  Indeed, at a certain range I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a negative correlation.

I know a lot of people that intentionally make less money because they have a passion for a job that’s the best way they think they can contribute to society.  Moreover, I know a lot Reaganite types only interested in making money that are decidedly bereft when it comes to cultural sophistication.

I guess it just seems weird to me, but then again I’m a guy.  Like, I’d never have a standard that I’d only date women that have a PhD.

[Madame deVenoge]

5 hours ago, DMC said:

I have no doubt and I’m definitely not judging.  That’s great for you!  Further, your point about men’s insecurities about women making more money than them is well taken.

I’m just talking here in generalities.  And I think in terms of using income as a proxy for SES/cultural sophistication that can be very muddied.  Indeed, at a certain range I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a negative correlation.

I know a lot of people that intentionally make less money because they have a passion for a job that’s the best way they think they can contribute to society.  Moreover, I know a lot Reaganite types only interested in making money that are decidedly bereft when it comes to cultural sophistication.

I guess it just seems weird to me, but then again I’m a guy.  Like, I’d never have a standard that I’d only date women that have a PhD.

As to your last paragraph, you might consider or examine the unexamined stereotypes of which you might be unaware?  Men have no societal repercussions to what might be seen as “marrying down”. (Assuming the goal of serious relationship similar to marriage). Have you not possibly noticed any graduate students or administrative assistants throwing themselves at you?

And, yes, exceptions happen all the time, but where there’s smoke, there’s often fire.

Speaking of fire, as in the FIRES OF PASSION, ahem, Law Professor and I had a delightful walk at the Botanical Garden, or, rather, a bit of a make-out session with some plants involved  from 9 am until noon.

I have already turned my Match to “private” as I am not shopping and it leaves me cold to get all the random messages.

[Kalbear]

I personally take the 'they must make as much money as I do' to be a shorthand for 'they must be able to understand the professional and personal obligations that one has when one takes their career this seriously and not expect significant changes'. 

Also, on the marriage stuff - have more sex! Marriage doesn't mean no sex, it doesn't even necessarily mean less sex (I'd personally say children and getting older do that, but not marriage itself).

It means more freaky sex.

Have more freaky sex, folks.  

[Maithanet]

Surveys found that the overwhelming reason why married with kids couples have less sex is because of two side effects of having children.  Less alone time where spontaneous sex could occur, and less sleep which reduces the sex drive.  I can't really speak for married couples with no kids, although I would say my wife and I had basically the same amount of sex before and after marriage.  Marriage was not the big change, it was having kids. 

[BigFatCoward]

19 minutes ago, Maithanet said:

Surveys found that the overwhelming reason why married with kids couples have less sex is because of two side effects of having children.  Less alone time where spontaneous sex could occur, and less sleep which reduces the sex drive.  I can't really speak for married couples with no kids, although I would say my wife and I had basically the same amount of sex before and after marriage.  Marriage was not the big change, it was having kids. 

I get no sleep because I deal with the kids at night and in the morning, she gets loads. I'm horny all the time and she never is. 

it's not about sleep For us, It's about her being much younger and hotter than me, or more accurately me being much older and less hot. 

[Tears of Lys]

Well, BFC, get hotter!  

 

[BigFatCoward]

3 minutes ago, Tears of Lys said:

Well, BFC, get hotter!  

 

I'm 47, my getting hotter days are long gone. I can just get less hot more slowly, and hope she ages poorly. 

[DMC]

2 hours ago, Madame deVenoge said:

As to your last paragraph, you might consider or examine the unexamined stereotypes of which you might be unaware?  Men have no societal repercussions to what might be seen as “marrying down”. (Assuming the goal of serious relationship similar to marriage). Have you not possibly noticed any graduate students or administrative assistants throwing themselves at you?

Um..what?  Really don’t get the hostile tone.  I went out of my way to emphasize that “unexamined” stereotype - twice.  And to be clear - the only time I dated grad students was when I was a grad student.  I’ve never dated an administrative assistant.  And no woman has thrown themselves at me in at least 15 years, if ever.

[Toth]

Shit. The conversation from Tuesday has caused my anxiety to flare up again in full force. I'm constantly ruminating that I don't deserve love because I could be incapable of feeling it myself and expressing it in the right way. There is just no hope... I have no concept of love, no reference point on how to feel it and how to express it. Trying to act confident and considerate may just end up hurting someone if I turn out to be incapable of backing it up...