Speaking Up: My Tale of Fearing a Beating

[MercenaryChef]

the topic is purposefully titled to get people to look at it.

thanks.

tonight i had a nice 14 hour day in the kitchen. not at all that uncommon.

after work i got on the train. not at all uncommon. as it was saturday night my train car was filled with people who had been out drinking or on their way to do so.

riding with me in my car were four gentlemen who had clearly been doing some drinking. i knew it when the leader of the group announced it was time for the beer 'olympics.' i like many other commuters were entertained watching them hold onto the middle rail in the car and grapple at one another with their legs until one was victorious.

however it just kept going on. stop after stop, minute after minute it continued. at one point a man asked for it to stop so they not accidentally run into his pregnant wife.

these guys were clearly hammered. i could see that easily. i know what drunk looks like. hell, i have been a drunk guy annoying regular folks. i let it all go because of this.

then it started.

'pussy-faggot' was thrown around again and again. then the use of 'gay' in a pejorative. it kept going on.

i finally told them to stop. i may have told them to 'shut the fuck up with the homosexual shit and sit down.' yeah, it may have not my my most diplomatic moment. don't call me to settle anything delicate.

the leader (i would learn was a marine named sam who was celebrating his birthday) was quite incensed. he threatened me. his friends reacted quickly trying to calm him. it became clear to me that sam beat people on the regular. i was worried about where i was sitting on an inside seat would not give me a good chance to not get my head bounced off the window when he pounced. carefully i pulled a beer bottle from my backpack on the floor. at one point i contemplated just lashing out first and hitting him in the face. he kept pounding his fist into his hand saying how he was going to fuck me up. (typing this it sounds like a cartoon or comic strip, but living it was a bit more frightening)

it was all very tense. his friends were worried even. the whole time i just sat there showing not a care in the world...despite being a bit scared. i was bothered that i was the only one in the fucking car to say a fucking word. would they say anything when he started rattling my brain with his fists?

when they got close to the stop they were taking his friends forced him from the train. his intentions were to at least lay a punch or two on my lovely head before leaving.

kair is pissed. i love her more than all the bacon, beer and metal in the world, but she is pissed. she loves that i have standards of conduct and principles but fears me getting my lovely head beaten in one day. i totally get that. but, as a person i cannot sit quietly while that sort of shit is said. i would feel like cowardly vermin if i did.

getting the shit kicked out of me would not have changed the world, but i would taken that rather than just sit there and say nothing.

[Crazydog7]

The older I get the more I find I have absolutely no patience with drunken assholes esepically when they are in a group.

So good for you.

[Altherion]

I don't see a purpose to antagonizing drunks, even if they say things which I find distasteful. Chances are the marine on the train won't even remember this incident once he sobers up.

[Fragile Bird]

Sweet geez, MC, it's not like you're the biggest guy in the world. If I were Kair I'd be pissed too. It would come from being pretty worried after hearing that story.

You were there and could judge the situation. I congratulate you for speaking up, but, bloody hell.

[Tellus Explorer]

Great title lol

For your experience, I'm sorry that happened to you, however you handled it very well. So good for you :thumbsup:

Drunk people are just stupid, And it's sad that he may not even realize what he did, come tomorrow.

[Trebla]

Sometimes doing the right thing can start a world of shit. One time I asked a guy at a bar to move out of the way so a lady could get by. She repeatedly asked him to move but either he didn't hear her or he ignored her. His issue was that I had the audacity to tap him on the shoulder. He gathered up his friends and then attempted to jump me. Luckily for me, half the bar either knew me or my sister. After they were thrashed and kicked out of the bar. they called friends and had several car loads of guys waiting for me outside. The bar owners, (who we knew) called the police and they snuck me out of the back of the bar.

While I was regretful of the whole situation, I've never felt like I would have done anything differently. Of course, I might have felt differently if my friends hadn't jumped in and he and his friends had kicked my ass. ;)

[kungtotte]

I'm happy that I've never been in a situation like that, because like you I would not be able to keep my mouth shut either and that is probably going to be a problem some day.

[Q the Cat]

First off, I'm glad that you didn't get hurt. That drunk guy sounds like a real asshat. I also understand why Kair is pissed. If she had been with you, do you think you would have said anything to the drunk?

Saying what you said took courage, although saying it to a drunk guy who might not even remember it tomorrow ... I'm not so sure it was worth the risk. Except for this: You set an example of courage and speaking up for everyone else on that train (even the drunk guy's friends). I'd like to believe those other people who saw your example tonight might speak up if a similar situation happens in the future.

Thanks for sharing this story. It's a reminder that many times 'normal' people do not respond because either they don't want to piss off a bully or they are in shock because of some asshat's abusive behavior. It might not always be wise to say something if you are going to take a serious beating or risk the safety of the people you are with though. However, it's too easy for good people to turn a blind eye to brutality. Fortunately he was only saying stupid things and not actually physically hurting anyone.

[DanteGabriel]

I can understand why kair is pissed, but you're a brave and good man, chef.

[Frances Bean Corbray]

What's our favorite book series say straight away? "Can a man still be brave if he's afraid? That's the only time we can be brave."

Of course standing up and stepping in is a risk. You should've been nervous.

It may not have been "wise" but it was definitely Good that you did.

He may be too drunk/too assholish to change his behavior in the future because of this (sadly, I'm inclined to lean this way). But that doesn't mean you didn't change something for the better. Maybe they would have hit that pregnant lady (they obviously weren't respecting that other guy's appeal to them to stop) and you prevented that. That's worth something.

Good on you.

[Bonesy]

This advice won't help philosophically, and Kair will probably be angry at me for even saying it, but if this happens again plant your lovely head and back against the wall and window. Then there will be no bouncing. I also always wear steel toed-boots (which I suspect you might) and have a 34" inseam (which I suspect you don't.) So there's that.

[Francis Buck]

I'm split on these kind of things. The rational part says, yeah, ignore it and move on, you're not going to solve anything getting into a scrap. The other, dumb male ape part of me says fuck it and smack him around.

The rational part is definitely right, though. It sucks but it's just one of those things. Unless you have the power to solve a situation semi-peacefully (as someone above mentioned), then getting involved will just lead to headaches -- of more than one kind.

[kungtotte]

You don't have to fight people to stand up for something, FB.

[Inigima]

I can understand why kair is pissed, but you're a brave and good man, chef.

[Ser Scot A Ellison]

MC,

DG said it well. It's hard to keep fighting the good fight. It takes courage.

[BigFatCoward]

the world needs far more people who will intervene in these circumstances, however its easy for me to say when I have 35,000 people who have my back. I kind of get why people say you shouldn't get involved, but you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror every morning.

[Inigima]

There's an unavoidable tension between doing a good thing and being safe in this situation. I wouldn't fault anyone for either decision.

[Xray the Enforcer]

There's an unavoidable tension between doing a good thing and being safe in this situation. I wouldn't fault anyone for either decision.

Yep. I've been in similar situations to MC and basically had to let it ride -- I am not going to win too many serious fist-fights. But I've also intervened in situations where I thought I had a decent chance of not getting beat down or shot, and told plenty of people to shut the fuck up on the subway.

[Tempra]

There's an unavoidable tension between doing a good thing and being safe in this situation. I wouldn't fault anyone for either decision.

My thoughts as well. A very fine line between being brave and stupid. Unfortunately, I think MC was on the wrong side this time. Don't get me wrong, it is noble to stand up to the homophobic nonsense, but since it does not appear anyone was being bullied or threatened, he ratcheted up the chance of a fight for a questionable benefit. It might be all the nonsensical killings over stupid shit, but best to turn the other cheek so you don't end up dead in a ditch...unless there is some quantifiable benefit (e.g. stopping someone from being bullied).

[MercenaryChef]

i have thought a lot about it since last night.

i absolutely put myself at risk. this guy was a piece of shit when he woke up yesterday and is a piece of shit today. i did not change his mind in any which way. he will likely continue to act like that. those words and the way he used them will continue to be part of his vocabulary.

but, what he was doing was absolutely wrong. i was not the only one on the train who must have known that. yet it was only me who was willing to say anything. that is something that bothers me.

i gave some dirty looks to other passengers as i got off the train. these people just sat quietly while this guy first was being an offensive homophobic prick and then while he was loudly and aggressively threatening me.

given my thought on it all i think i would have been curious how it would have played out if i had gone with a kindly 'hey, bro...come on, you don't need to talk that that, dude. it is not cool' method.

i am very glad things did not go violent. i suck at getting hit. it hurts me. and i am guessing his friends would not have been so restraining of their violent friend had i smashed him the face with a bottle of imperial stout.