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Mental Wellbeing 2


Xray the Enforcer
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42 minutes ago, lessthanluke said:

I'm really struggling to stay positive at the moment. So much uncertainty about the future. Tired of people with zero empathy calling me a terrible person for not wanting to lose everything due to the pandemic. Just. Tired. 

Small business owners have been absolutely fucked by our government, no question. And to shame people for working or trying to keep their businesses running in the face of covid, when they literally cannot afford to do otherwise, is bullshit and way too prevalent. Shit sucks, and I'm sorry you're going through it.

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10 hours ago, lessthanluke said:

I'm really struggling to stay positive at the moment. So much uncertainty about the future. Tired of people with zero empathy calling me a terrible person for not wanting to lose everything due to the pandemic. Just. Tired. 

People, more and more, are just incapable of occupying the middle ground and have to go to an extreme. I’m sorry people are accusing you of that, small businesses have been so screwed during all this. So rooting for you and wishing you the best mate

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I'm glad we have this thread, and I'm glad people are finding some measure of calm from participating and sharing how they feel. I hope we can continue to focus on personal well-being and avoid finding reasons to argue or distract from the purpose of the thread. We should all be friends here.

In that spirit, I'll share that I'm a bundle of nerves over this damned election, and that's spilling into nerves about our dog Breeze getting his second knee surgery today. Last year, the surgery on his left knee -- a TPLO, which entails cutting through bone to change the angle of a joint -- went very  well, but the recovery process is rough (both for him and for us -- for the first week or so he needs to be supported on walks to avoid putting any weight at all on the leg, and he feels badly enough after the surgery and the anesthetic that he may need half a dozen trips out just as the autumn weather is coming in). And now we're doing another one (probably; tiny chance after they do orthoscopy that they decide it's not necessary and just clear up some loose cartilage), on the right this time (something like 50% of dogs end up needing a TPLO on the second leg). It will go fine, I'm sure, but ... yeah, the recovery period will be stressful for the first couple of weeks, and especially the first week.

It is very distracting from various projects we have, to say the least. I'm usually not the nervous sort, but this election seems to amplify every flutter in my stomach.

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Sending a ton of love to everyone.

@Ran that really sucks -- election got me anxious as hell too! -- and I have my fingers crossed that Breeze's recovery is quick and uncomplicated. :love:

I'm kind of a wreck right now. It's not just the stupid election or the generalized shitshow that is life in 2020, but some very specific stressors involving aging parents, aging pets, and things happening at work that are beyond my control but have somehow become part of my problem to solve. Therapy has been going well though -- it's amazing to me that I went to therapy for a very specific problem, but now we're tackling all of these other things that have been low-key upsetting me for years.

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I really feel the pet problems. Long story short: the relationship between our old dog and new dog seems unsolvable. It is of course our responsibility as owners that the situation got out of hand, but blaming ourselves hardly helps now. The old doggo also has all kinds of health issues, we are regulars at the vet’s at this point. He has a joint problem that’s been under control, but then there’s a random allergy flare-up, next month there’s a dog fight injury, two months later there’s another unidentified injury. He’s also going deaf and blind, and watching his strength and health deteriorate has been taking its toll on me, as it provides a nonstop anxiety of how long he’ll be with us. I’ve never lost a pet to old age and it’s really hard to imagine life without him. I really hope he still has another good year ahead of him if we just manage to keep him safe and care for him. Which is not getting easier to do alongside the rest of the shit flood this year has brought.

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I’ve not been on here for a while, I’ve been struggling with depression rearing it’s head again for the entire year not to mention anxiety.

At times I feel like the only reason I haven’t given up hope is because of my two amazing daughters they’ve been the only thing keeping me on a slightly even keel in a sea of despair and negativity, not to mention my wife, she has been so supportive and understanding and all I can feel is I’ve been a disappointment to her.

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18 hours ago, Jen'ari said:

I’ve not been on here for a while, I’ve been struggling with depression rearing it’s head again for the entire year not to mention anxiety.

At times I feel like the only reason I haven’t given up hope is because of my two amazing daughters they’ve been the only thing keeping me on a slightly even keel in a sea of despair and negativity, not to mention my wife, she has been so supportive and understanding and all I can feel is I’ve been a disappointment to her.

:grouphug: 

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I'm definitely starting to notice more and more stress/depression/anger amongst my staff as covid drags on. The trouble is we cant all have time off, someone has to do the job. Especially as we keep losing whole teams to covid because the people who are meant to enforce the rules are incapable of social distancing. I'm so sick of telling grown adults off. 

We had a stress dog in recently, basically a lovable puppy runs around the office while you talk about issues, it seems to improve the dynamic and stops things getting heated or as stressful as they would otherwise. 

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4 hours ago, BigFatCoward said:

I'm so sick of telling grown adults off. 

We had a stress dog in recently, basically a lovable puppy runs around the office while you talk about issues, it seems to improve the dynamic and stops things getting heated or as stressful as they would otherwise. 

I don't envy you, and I am so incredibly sorry that you have to deal with that dynamic. Do you think it's possible to have the stress dog -- or other similar tactics -- more often right now? Given that we're looking at an absolutely brutal fucking winter? 

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Meant to actually do an update -- so it sounds like we're going to start moving into some modified "art" portion of art therapy next week. I had mentioned that I started embroidering and we're going to incorporate that into next week's session. I'm actually kinda stoked -- and I really like my therapist. I'm getting better at sorting out the jumble of conflicting emotions/impulses swirling around in my head, which means I'm better able to look for root causes for them and start to address those. Still a long way to go though. 

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Quarantine wasn't too bad for me at the start. I lost a friendship early in September and it's been surprisingly emotional for me (which I'm not ashamed of or anything). I've been on this sort of emotional roller coaster ride since it happened, though I think it's more or less done now. But I'm sure the stress added from covid is just making sad occurrences and situations in our lives more difficult to (respectively) bounce back from or tolerate...

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Lockdown 2.0 has only just kicked off over here and I'm already starting to feel a looming cloud of loneliness. I didn't fully realise just how much sports were keeping me on an even keel, and no training for a month is gonna suck. I recognise that many others will be in a much worse position than me, and I try to maintian perspective, but the prospect of a month (or more) of isolation has got me spinning a bit.

I've signed up for a few volunteer groups near me, a mutual-aid group and a food bank that delivers to vulnerable people who can't go to other food banks in person. Hopefully being useful will give me something to focus on, as well as some in-person interaction. And if I still feel lonely, at least I'll be lonely whilst helping out rather than lonely sitting at home.

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I'm sorry, I have to whine yet again with my stupid problems... Just ignore it, I just want it off my chest somewhere without disturbing anyone who has to deal with their far more important own shit.

I'm... absolutely stunned at my ineffectiveness. I woke up extremely tired with burning eyes and severe back pain. I initially wanted to take some cold pack out of the fridge, put it on my eyes and lie down again, but my mother took it as a sign that I'm awake and she can use the desk, so I myself spent the next three hours hunched over my laptop in my bed again, looking fruitlessly for a Christmas present for her while the next thing on my list for the day would have been to go jogging. I did that then finally, but I got a headache after just 100 meters in addition to a severe anxiety attack about it already being so late and aborted. Half the day is gone already and the only thing I did is get out of bed, god damn it...

This is just the tip of the iceberg though. Thursday after school I spent the entire evening and night just writing mails and still somehow managed to forget two that I haven't managed to write till now. Yesterday I had no school and spent the entire day correcting four exams. As in: The exams of four students. I'm beyond saving at this point.

I... have honestly no idea how I ever survived my own school time. Was it always this bad? Were days always passing this ludicrously fast? Back when I was a kid I called Friday "free Friday" because it was the only day I wasn't working after school, I had a tight schedule where I was learning or doing homework every single day and that was perfectly fine and I got a lot done in that time. But now? Every single little task is a grueling chore that takes hours upon hours upon hours. What the fuck happened? Yes, I'm tired and my body aches all over and my eyes are surrounded by a disgusting deep purple for longer than I can possibly remember, but that can't be all there is to it. There is a deep-seated anxiety and uncertainty what to do permeating everything I do. It frustrates me to no end and causes me to cut back on caring about my health, my hobbies or my home life at every point to scratch together enough time to not fail too miserably at my work. It is a constant race against time where I am only loosing and never get anything done, wasting away at the computer for 14 hours per day every weekend and every wake minute that I am at home during the weekday, so usually further 6 hours. For fuck's sake, my cat barfed onto the corner of my bed three days ago and I haven't found time to change the sheet thinking that it's not the part where I lie, so it has no priority. That's how bad it is!

And yes, writing this down has also cost me 20 minutes that I should have spent preparing an exam or correcting another one or writing a mail or preparing next week's lessons. I'm an absolute mess and at some point just want to throw myself down and scream, if that wouldn't cost me too much time either.

Edited by Toth
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17 hours ago, Liffguard said:

Lockdown 2.0 has only just kicked off over here and I'm already starting to feel a looming cloud of loneliness. I didn't fully realise just how much sports were keeping me on an even keel, and no training for a month is gonna suck. I recognise that many others will be in a much worse position than me, and I try to maintian perspective, but the prospect of a month (or more) of isolation has got me spinning a bit.

I've signed up for a few volunteer groups near me, a mutual-aid group and a food bank that delivers to vulnerable people who can't go to other food banks in person. Hopefully being useful will give me something to focus on, as well as some in-person interaction. And if I still feel lonely, at least I'll be lonely whilst helping out rather than lonely sitting at home.

It's extremely important to recognise what you can and cant control. You have taken the only steps you can at this time to keep busy and avoid isolation. Good for you. 

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