Mental Wellbeing 3 - Can we fix it?

[Reny of Storms End]

2 hours ago, Kalbear said:

What's going on?

It seems like the people I care about don’t care about me. The two people I care about the most, who I’ve lived with since 2019, have asked me to move out by the end of January. I’ve been feeling lonely for awhile and they were kinda the one good thing in my life and hanging out with them on a daily basis was what I looked forward to day in and out. So just thinking about living alone and having no regular communication with anyone, like face to face, is really daunting. It feels like what’s the point of continuing, at least right now.

[Kalbear]

@Reny of Storms End, I'm sorry. both for not responding last night and for what you're going through. It sounds rough. Having lived through that period with them I'd imagine you have some pretty strong bonds.

Can you tell me more about why they're wanting to change the living situation?

[Reny of Storms End]

2 hours ago, Kalbear said:

@Reny of Storms End, I'm sorry. both for not responding last night and for what you're going through. It sounds rough. Having lived through that period with them I'd imagine you have some pretty strong bonds.

Can you tell me more about why they're wanting to change the living situation?

Oh no worries on response time. Yes, exactly some very strong bonds were formed. I have grown to love them both, more so than even my immediate family. 

They are engaged to each other, and believe that they can't live their lives the way they want if I'm here anymore. We've had tension over me feeling jealous because neither of them are capable of sharing strong feelings out loud with anyone but each other. That's also played a role. 

And Ive struggled very much in the past with feeling like no will or can love me, and that the people I love don't want me around. So this whole situation feels like validation of all those negative thoughts. Being told by people you see every day, and spent hours laughing and talking to every day, "oh things won't be different, we can get together like once a week for dinner". It's just like I'm being dismissed and I don't matter.

[Kalbear]

On 10/30/2023 at 9:52 AM, Reny of Storms End said:

Oh no worries on response time. Yes, exactly some very strong bonds were formed. I have grown to love them both, more so than even my immediate family. 

They are engaged to each other, and believe that they can't live their lives the way they want if I'm here anymore. We've had tension over me feeling jealous because neither of them are capable of sharing strong feelings out loud with anyone but each other. That's also played a role. 

And Ive struggled very much in the past with feeling like no will or can love me, and that the people I love don't want me around. So this whole situation feels like validation of all those negative thoughts. Being told by people you see every day, and spent hours laughing and talking to every day, "oh things won't be different, we can get together like once a week for dinner". It's just like I'm being dismissed and I don't matter.

I'm sorry. It must be really hard having to go from a situation like that where you felt comfortable and loved to having to face a different way of doing things. It must feel like being rejected. 

Do you think they think that you don't matter? 

[Reny of Storms End]

3 hours ago, Kalbear said:

I'm sorry. It must be really hard having to go from a situation like that where you felt comfortable and loved to having to face a different way of doing things. It must feel like being rejected. 

Do you think they think that you don't matter? 

Thank you. It is hard and very scary. And it does feel a lot like rejection. 

In this moment, yes I believe they think I don't matter. However I also get this is something they feel they need for their relationship and it's what they want. So them being people I love and care for I have to understand and accept it. I just wish it felt like they were also caring about me and what my life will become. A much lonelier and isolated life.

[Toth]

Stupid, stupid, stupid weekend. When did I become like this? All my weekends are so bad and exhausting. I have this stack of exams that I have here for two weekends already and I still haven't managed to correct it. Caught a pretty bad case of procrastination, simmering in my loneliness scrolling through Reddit and picking a fight with people mocking climate activists instead of correcting those damn exams or preparing any lessons for next week. And I start to run out of time...

I suppose part of that is working for 62 hours 7 days a week for four years is finally catching up to me and I am using that time so damn inefficiently, but I guess it's also just... a general despair about my home life and the fact that I am just so unable to connect with people. It just stings to have that certainty that  I will die alone without ever knowing how it feels to love or get loved...

[Toth]

On 10/31/2023 at 9:21 PM, Reny of Storms End said:

Thank you. It is hard and very scary. And it does feel a lot like rejection. 

In this moment, yes I believe they think I don't matter. However I also get this is something they feel they need for their relationship and it's what they want. So them being people I love and care for I have to understand and accept it. I just wish it felt like they were also caring about me and what my life will become. A much lonelier and isolated life.

So how did it go? Have you managed to stick to the mindset you expressed in your last post? It sounded like you had come around to accepting that this is a step they need to do for their own development. It didn't sound like it was directed in any way against you.

 

I had one damn weekend where I was comparably fit. Oddly enough, it was one where I stressed to get all my work finished in the week and worked every day till late into the night, feeling quite tired throughout the day and then was too groggy to do anything anymore and spent almost the entire weekend mostly fiddling to get old videogames to run on my PC instead of anything productive. Weird how that was extremely refreshing... and yet I'm right back to spending almost all my time correcting exams, because I'm stupid and far too late with my stuff because I want sooo much time for practice. Unfortunately this free weekend I bought with being terribly behind at running after my students missing medical certificates for missing days... sigh...

[Theda Baratheon]

I am actually just so fucking depressed lately. 
I don’t know how to deal with how much change my mind and body have undergone in the last year following Covid. Long Covid/post viral fatigue/ whatever you want to call it has completely wrecked me. I actually feel like I’m losing my fucking mind a bit over how much my body has changed and my mental health and brain have. I feel so stuck in a body that doesn’t make any sort of sense to me. Totally trapped because whatever I try and do to remedy things, it doesn’t work. Or it has another negative consequence. I hope I’ll be okay again soon but I just had to vent. I really feel completely hopeless right now. I had no idea how much of an impact a certain change in my body would make to me but it’s literally making me lose my mind. To combat the fatigue I had to get b12 injections cos my b12 levels were low and from that I’ve gotten really bad skin and I feel like all the weight gain, the loss of fitness, the random little bits of sickness in my body, the bad skin. It’s all coming to head, I can’t handle it right now. Anyway rant over, just needed to get it off my chest. 

[Arakasi]

Nowhere near as serious as the rest of you but still working my way through my own anxiety. My wife has been cleared of cancer and such so I should be starting to feel more normal but I’ve not found that yet. Basically I have a quick trigger for anxiety which is easy to set off and just makes me feel bad. Things like exercise and sleep and showers help but it does cut into my relaxation and cutting down stress. I’m trying to get myself back to normal reactions but not there yet.

[Theda Baratheon]

On 12/30/2023 at 8:55 PM, Theda Baratheon said:

I am actually just so fucking depressed lately. 
I don’t know how to deal with how much change my mind and body have undergone in the last year following Covid. Long Covid/post viral fatigue/ whatever you want to call it has completely wrecked me. I actually feel like I’m losing my fucking mind a bit over how much my body has changed and my mental health and brain have. I feel so stuck in a body that doesn’t make any sort of sense to me. Totally trapped because whatever I try and do to remedy things, it doesn’t work. Or it has another negative consequence. I hope I’ll be okay again soon but I just had to vent. I really feel completely hopeless right now. I had no idea how much of an impact a certain change in my body would make to me but it’s literally making me lose my mind. To combat the fatigue I had to get b12 injections cos my b12 levels were low and from that I’ve gotten really bad skin and I feel like all the weight gain, the loss of fitness, the random little bits of sickness in my body, the bad skin. It’s all coming to head, I can’t handle it right now. Anyway rant over, just needed to get it off my chest. 

Okay turns out I had some kind of ear infection or wax buildup or whatever that meant I didn’t sleep properly for a few days and went increasingly a bit mental - feel a lot better today after some ear drops & a whole new skincare routine - forging my way into the new year determined to take real responsibility for my own health (mind and body) 

[Phylum of Alexandria]

10 minutes ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Okay turns out I had some kind of ear infection or wax buildup or whatever that meant I didn’t sleep properly for a few days and went increasingly a bit mental - feel a lot better today after some ear drops & a whole new skincare routine - forging my way into the new year determined to take real responsibility for my own health (mind and body) 

Glad you're feeling better!

I had something similar happen to me recently. I had a nagging sore throat, persistent eye strain, and I kept waking up through the night, which made my days miserable. My health and morale were really down. It turns out the dry air from my heating was the underlying culprit, and things have been a lot better since getting a humidifier for my bedroom. Sometimes little things have a big effect!

At the same time, my wife had major fatigue, dizziness, heart palpitations, and skin outbreaks all over her body. She thought it was just stress (we were both exhausted from our jobs), but her doctor thinks it might be Hashimoto's Disease. Which, if true, seems like it is treatable, which would be nice. She'll get the final results in a few days. Fingers crossed.

 

[drawkcabi]

Been off my meds since the end of last summer, the beginning of last summer I was dropped by my mental health because they couldn't come to my house anymore. 

I have to go out now if I want mental health.

I am mentally not able to leave my house. 

I'm spiraling down fast. Only 2 things keeping me from ending it all.

Temporary situation seems pretty permanent to me, requiring a permanent solution then...

[Derfel Cadarn]

2 hours ago, Madame deVenoge said:

I woke up this morning with an intense flash of pain across my jaw. Like a lightning bolt, on the right side, with one branch of the lightning cutting across my cheekbone and the other branching down the jawbone. It only lasted a second, but then it happened again. And again. I took a muscle relaxer and tried to get some sleep, which I did. Then, it happened again while I was on the phone.

I called my TMJ doctor. 

And of course, I checked with Dr Google, who was pretty clear that being a female of a certain age with the above symptoms might be representative trigeminal neuralgia. 
 

I shall keep y’all posted.

Jaw pain can also indicate a heart attack, so maybe bear that in mind. And also that heart attacks in women are more likely to be missed than those suffered by men

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

Sigh, I've talked about this before, but I'm my step-father's de facto caretaker. This evening I found his leg from the knee to the ankle was mostly purple on one side. I don't think he even fell this time.

Please something go right for a change. I'm fucking exhausted. 

Edited January 27 by Mr. Chatywin et al.

[Sw33t Summ3r Ch1ld]

I’m actually in a happy place. Editing down nearly all facets of my life. It’s fun! Trying for a simpler way. I haven’t had very many things go bad with this. 
 

On another note, I think I’m irrationally afraid of winter. Winter where I live can be bad and I hate driving during winter. This is something I must get around.

[Jace, Extat]

That's horrible, Ty. Do you have any idea what caused the discoloration? Does he have any known conditions that are making him fall?

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

4 hours ago, Jace, Extat said:

That's horrible, Ty. Do you have any idea what caused the discoloration? Does he have any known conditions that are making him fall?

Cognitive decline that's rapidly speeding up, neuropathy affecting both feet, long term alcoholism on an extreme scale, not exercising for two decades and obesity. I probably missed something in there. It's bad and he won't do a thing to at least mitigate his decline. Plus he's an asshole when I try to help him. 

[Tears of Lys]

12 hours ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

Sigh, I've talked about this before, but I'm my step-father's de facto caretaker. This evening I found his leg from the knee to the ankle was mostly purple on one side. I don't think he even fell this time.

Please something go right for a change. I'm fucking exhausted. 

Sounds like extremely poor circulation.  He'll probably stroke out from a blood clot.  Just hope he goes fast.

 

 

[Jace, Extat]

11 minutes ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

Cognitive decline that's rapidly speeding up, neuropathy affecting both feet, long term alcoholism on an extreme scale, not exercising for two decades and obesity. I probably missed something in there. It's bad and he won't do a thing to at least mitigate his decline. Plus he's an asshole when I try to help him. 

That all sounds like a nightmare. It may not mean much, but I think it speaks well of you to still try and help him. 

Not everybody gets up when someone else is down and in need of aid. Good on you.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

14 minutes ago, Tears of Lys said:

Sounds like extremely poor circulation.  He'll probably stroke out from a blood clot.  Just hope he goes fast.

 

Yeah, I sent pictures to my aunt who is a retired nurse and blood clot was her first concern. I've got a few other friends and family I can hit up, but I'm waiting to see if it gets worse.