Dating Thread: In Memoriam

[Erik of Hazelfield]

11 hours ago, Knight Of Winter said:

It both fascinates and appalls me how profoundly unsuccessful dating apps are at their most basic purpose: connecting sane and normal people who would be interested in meeting each other.

A few of my female friends were on dating apps, and their experience was eerily like yours (and many many other women): lots of matches, however, these are - lots of guys looking for hookups, lots of low-effort guys, lost of guys prone to flakiness and indecisiveness etc. As I said - lots of matches, but rarely a single serious one.

Meanwhile, myself and my male friends who were on dating apps at some point had the opposite problem: namely being radio-silenced. Likes were rare, and matches even more so, of out few matches half don't respond to first message, and out of those who continued chatting few would end up in dates. I'd say one date every several months was the norm.

It's obvious that apps are full of women and men who are serious about looking for a relationship - yet these somehow rarely end up interacting with each other. You'd think that it would be easy enough: "Hey, we're all on this app, so we're looking for a partner. We've matched so there's some basic level of attraction. Let's talk and/or meet and if we click: great, we're dating. And if we don't: great, we'll move on and meet other people". But nope - what happens is that normal women end up meeting creeps and hookup-wannabes while normal men don't end up meeting anyone at all. Ughhh, rant over.

Obviously, this is not everyone's experience. Success stories do exists (seriously, congrats @Erik of Hazelfield ), but judging from everything I've seen, heard, read or experienced - they're far less common than expected.
  

People go to work for work, and to college to study - yet workplace and college are statistically two most common places to find your marriage partner. Same applies to all the other hobbies, activities and clubs. It's not (or rather: it shouldn't be) about desperately searching for a partner doing things you're not really interested in, but expending your social network and sphere of interests (as you note in your last sentence), however these expansions naturally lead to more dating opportunities - especially since you're surrounded by like-minded people who are interested in same hobby or club. All other factors being equal, I'd certainly say someone with regular 2 hobbies and 1 club has much higher chance of meeting compatible romantic partner than a homebody whose lives revolve around workplace and solitary home activities.  

It’s interesting how profoundly different our experience with dating apps have been. I wonder why that is. It wasn’t just my wife-to-be that was a rare exception - I really did meet many girls having the same goal as I did, to find a partner. Of course I didn’t connect well with all of them once we met, but I never felt like we were after completely different things or that it was a waste of time.

Regarding the finding-a-hobby strategy, I think it depends on where you start. I had friends and hobbies already - what I wanted was a girlfriend. To me it made little sense not to go the most direct route, so to speak, but to others it’s probably a very good idea. 

 

[Spockydog]

Guys. Get yourself a porkpie hat or two. I've had dozens of engagements over the weekend. Tonight, I have literally spent all evening responding to messages and likes.

But on Tuesday afternoon, I will be meeting Beata for coffee in Brighton.

Named by her mother after the Polish actress, Beata Tyszkiewicz, she is warm and witty, sexy and funny. She is just lovely. She likes the same bands as me, loves men who can cook, and is a big fan of the Horror genre.

We did a brief Whatsapp anti-catfish video chat before dinner. She looks like Britt Ekland, the vibe was lovely and relaxed, and OMG I can't wait to meet her.

Gotta be the hats.

ETA: I want to send her profile link to my sister, but is sharing prospective profiles amongst your friends and loved ones an acceptable practice these days? Genuine question, because I literally do not have a clue about any of this stuff. 

Edited February 26 by Spockydog

[Spockydog]

Lol. I've just been told I should be an old man model.

Those were the exact words used. Old man model.

I mean, I think it was meant as a compliment. LMAO.

Edited February 26 by Spockydog

[Maithanet]

23 minutes ago, Spockydog said:

Lol. I've just been told I should be an old man model.

Those were the exact words used. Old man model.

I mean, I think it was meant as a compliment. LMAO.

Sounds like a neg to me.  Some people just flirt that way, but I never cared for that kinda thing.

Edited February 26 by Maithanet

[Spockydog]

6 minutes ago, Maithanet said:

Sounds like a neg to me.  Some people just flirt that way, but I never cared for that kinda thing.

That's what I thought. I'd heard about it, but never experienced it. Who the hell came up with this as some sort of dating tactic? The modern world is shit in so many ways.

Edited February 26 by Spockydog

[Toth]

10 hours ago, Erik of Hazelfield said:

It’s interesting how profoundly different our experience with dating apps have been. I wonder why that is. It wasn’t just my wife-to-be that was a rare exception - I really did meet many girls having the same goal as I did, to find a partner. Of course I didn’t connect well with all of them once we met, but I never felt like we were after completely different things or that it was a waste of time.

Regarding the finding-a-hobby strategy, I think it depends on where you start. I had friends and hobbies already - what I wanted was a girlfriend. To me it made little sense not to go the most direct route, so to speak, but to others it’s probably a very good idea.

I wonder whether the important bit is that you did it 10 years ago. I already noticed a difference between three years ago and last year on the same sites. More functions put behind paywalls and three years ago I at least had three conversations, last year none at all. A sentiment I've been seeing online is that the apps have become, much, much worse. At least on the Match-group sites that dominate the market. Or of course then there's the attractiveness thing...

[Knight Of Winter]

11 hours ago, Erik of Hazelfield said:

It’s interesting how profoundly different our experience with dating apps have been. I wonder why that is. It wasn’t just my wife-to-be that was a rare exception - I really did meet many girls having the same goal as I did, to find a partner. Of course I didn’t connect well with all of them once we met, but I never felt like we were after completely different things or that it was a waste of time.

Interesting indeed. I truly wish your experience was the norm: not just finding your fiancée, but even more so productively dating (by that I mean connecting to and meeting all the women who are looking for the same thing as you). 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

10 hours ago, Spockydog said:

Lol. I've just been told I should be an old man model.

Those were the exact words used. Old man model.

I mean, I think it was meant as a compliment. LMAO.

Dream bigger:

 

[Maithanet]

11 hours ago, Spockydog said:

That's what I thought. I'd heard about it, but never experienced it. Who the hell came up with this as some sort of dating tactic? The modern world is shit in so many ways.

I believe it started with the pickup artist community in the early 2000s.  It is a way of throwing [attractive women] off balance so that you can continue and "dominate" the conversation.  But a lot of people are just bad at flirting and think that things like this are a way to do it. 

[Spockydog]

2 hours ago, Mr. Chatywin et al. said:

Dream bigger:

 

Dude, I'm way ahead of you.

Edited February 26 by Spockydog

[Spockydog]

Whoever it was that convinced women that shaving your eyebrows completely off, only to immediately reapply them with makeup, was a good idea and would somehow make you look better, was probably doing it to win a bet. I mean, what in the actual fuck is that all about?

I had one eyebrow shaven off on a lad's holiday once. That was bad enough. But both? On purpose? Lol.

ETA: I've found the origin. Ladies and gentleman, I present Patient Zero.

I mean, I know Friends was popular. But that popular?

Edited February 26 by Spockydog

[Zorral]

Historically, this manner of eyebrows removed, cosmetically replaced, or even moved, comes and goes in many cultures in a variety of versions, including periods in medieval and Renaissance Europe or in Asia at different times in China and Japan.  No more ridiculous than codpieces and footgear so long and pointed they had to be tied to the knees,  and ties and unshaped beards and sox with sandals.

Edited February 26 by Zorral

[kissdbyfire]

32 minutes ago, Zorral said:

Historically, this manner of eyebrows removed, cosmetically replaced, or even moved, comes and goes in many cultures in a variety of versions, including periods in medieval and Renaissance Europe or in Asia at different times in China and Japan.  No more ridiculous than codpieces and footgear so long and pointed they had to be tied to the knees,  and ties and unshaped beards and sox with sandals.

But to us today all of that sounds ridiculous! Or I should say to me it all sounds ridiculous. Then again, so do people obsessing over selfies and celebrities and whatever the current fashions are.

Edited February 26 by kissdbyfire

[Spockydog]

I mean cod pieces looked absurd. There's a reason we don't wear them anymore. These days, men wear ties instead. 

I totally get that fashions and trends change over time, but let's be honest, they don't always look good. 

Personally, I love me a nicely shaped eyebrow, think Kylie Minogue c.2005. Made of real hair. 

Edited February 26 by Spockydog

[Spockydog]

The delightful Beata and I have been chatting all day on whatsapp. She has helped me keep what's left of my hair as I dealt with a bunch of challenges.

Tomorrow's coffee date in Brighton has been upgraded to lunch.

ETA: Holy fucking shit. She's only a big fan of The Mars freakin' Volta. 

Edited February 26 by Spockydog

[Spockydog]

So I met Beata for lunch and had a lovely time. She was quite ... forward, which I really wasn't expecting. She seemed fascinated by the fact that I'd not had sex for such a long time. 

After lunch, I drove her home and she invited me in for a cup of tea. But I just wasn't feeling it.  All the sex talk had kinda put me off. Plus, I need some kind of spark. Unfortunately it wasn't there.

I'd like to keep in touch, because we've got quite a lot in common, and we get on well enough. But friends is about all we're ever gonna be.

 

 

Edited February 27 by Spockydog

[Tears of Lys]

How the heck did the topic of sex come up so soon?  Did she initiate it?  If so, she's trying way too hard.  Have a little class!  

Unfortunately, some women these days feel that they have to offer their bodies to create some kind of instant attachment. 

[Spockydog]

28 minutes ago, Tears of Lys said:

How the heck did the topic of sex come up so soon?  Did she initiate it?  If so, she's trying way too hard.  Have a little class!  

Unfortunately, some women these days feel that they have to offer their bodies to create some kind of instant attachment. 

She asked me, before the food had even arrived, if it was true that it had been so long, or was I just using it as some kind of pickup line. 

I mean, if I fancied her I might have leaned into it a bit more. But it just made me feel a bit weird and self conscious. 

Edited February 27 by Spockydog

[BigFatCoward]

1 hour ago, Spockydog said:

So I met Beata for lunch and had a lovely time. She was quite ... forward, which I really wasn't expecting. She seemed fascinated by the fact that I'd not had sex for such a long time. 

After lunch, I drove her home and she invited me in for a cup of tea. But I just wasn't feeling it.  All the sex talk had kinda put me off. Plus, I need some kind of spark. Unfortunately it wasn't there.

I'd like to keep in touch, because we've got quite a lot in common, and we get on well enough. But friends is about all we're ever gonna be.

 

 

I have never turned down sex in my life. 

[IheartIheartTesla]

People use 'dating apps' differently. Sure, some like a slower courtship process and you can absolutely do that on something like Bumble. Others just want to cut through the chaff and hook up, and there's nothing wrong with that either (or at least, I have no judgment about the latter). Its better even than a one-night stand from a bar encounter when you've made a snap judgment in all of 5-10 minutes.