On the issue of false accusations

[A Horse Named Stranger]

I assume this is the thread were we mourn the untimely passing of OJ.

RIP Juice

 

 

[Conflicting Thought]

4 hours ago, Spockydog said:

*vomits*

No, this was never, ever part of mine, or my friend's, culture.

*vomits again*

 

You never saw it but im willing to bet that the women in those parties have a different perspective than yours.

I mean if the parties that you went to, where parties with allot of people, with alcohol, i fucking guarantee you that some of the women where abused in some way.

I really don like those kind of parties, im more of a chilling with a few friend kind of guy, but in school i remember people getting so drunk, many passing out, and i know of some cases where there was abuse toward drunk women by drunk men. That happens everywhere, even when you think it doesnt.

 

[Tears of Lys]

1 hour ago, A Horse Named Stranger said:

I assume this is the thread were we mourn the untimely passing of OJ.

RIP Juice

 

 

I thought you were kidding.  Turns out it's true.  Oh, well.  

 

[Rippounet]

28 minutes ago, Conflicting Thought said:

That happens everywhere,

No man, it really does not.

[Conflicting Thought]

13 minutes ago, Rippounet said:

No man, it really does not.

i mean, sure, there must be some places where it never happens, but i find it hard to belive man, and im not a woman, if a had never asked my women friends and the women in my family i would be clueless as to the extend of the abuses they suffer, how there are almost no place where they can fell 100% safe, even when you can feel that save, like with your close family, friends of them or extended family can be abusers and often are. maybe my view of the world is skewed, but i just dont know man. 

maybe phrasing it like DMC did, it could happend everywhere, so a woman can never feel 100% save, thres always the possibility. i mean most of the abuse to women come from people they know, come from their own family, they own friends.

and if there is alcohol involved the danger of SA grows so much more

[Conflicting Thought]

like why are you guys so against the notion that it can and does happens all the fucking time, like every woman you know has suffered some tipe of abuse from men, like 99% of women has experienced some form of abuse. i dont think that is a controversial thing to say

[polishgenius]

25 minutes ago, Rippounet said:

No man, it really does not.

 

Every single woman I've ever known who I know well enough to talk about these things with has suffered some form of sexual abuse. Nearly all of them (and by that I mean I know one who is an exception) treat any big social situation, especially in the presence of strangers or relative strangers, as potentially hostile to some extent - scanning the room for other women as potential allies/safe people to talk to if a man gets hostile, knowing where the exits are, that kind of thing. 

That doesn't happen if that kind of behaviour isn't widespread. That doesn't mean it's literally every party. It just means it could be any party. It doesn't mean it's every man - but could be any man. Like I fully believe it wasn't you or your friends-  Conflicting Thought isn't accusing you of that and neither is anyone else. But if you were ever at a big party where you didn't know everyone and people were getting smashed, it may have happened- and if you've been to a few in your life the chances are pretty high that at some point it did. 

 

[TheLastWolf]

On 4/10/2024 at 8:18 PM, TheLastWolf said:

To Kill a Mockingbird and 12 Angry Men (that kid looked Italian though)

Adding to that

A Passage to India. Both the novel and the Lean adaptation are great but somewhat distant. In the context of this thread, very relevant.

[A Horse Named Stranger]

2 hours ago, Tears of Lys said:

I thought you were kidding.  Turns out it's true.  Oh, well.  

 

I would never make a joke about the death of an innocent man...

[Rippounet]

2 hours ago, polishgenius said:

That doesn't happen if that kind of behaviour isn't widespread. That doesn't mean it's literally every party. It just means it could be any party. It doesn't mean it's every man - but could be any man. Like I fully believe it wasn't you or your friends-  Conflicting Thought isn't accusing you of that and neither is anyone else. But if you were ever at a big party where you didn't know everyone and people were getting smashed, it may have happened- and if you've been to a few in your life the chances are pretty high that at some point it did.

The predatory nature of men is such a prevalent problem that very conscious and organized efforts to ensure parties are safe spaces for women are really not uncommon. It's certainly not fullproof, but the odds of something bad happening decreases dramatically when enough men agree that it will not happen on their watch.
I feel that interventions here have tended to present rape culture as so widespread that it is almost natural and inevitable. In my experience, rape culture tends to be deliberate, and in quite a few places men will on the contrary keep an eye out for potential trouble, watching one another and making sure the women can enjoy their drink without having to worry for themselves.
I can't recall how many times, a few days after a party, a friend and I would realize we'd both kept an eye on a guy who we felt was a bit on the creepy side - and have a laugh about it.
And though I never organized a "big" party myself, my friends who did would form both overt and covert teams to look after drunk females ; for people in charge of such events, it was crucial that no sexual assault happened on their watch.
I'm not saying such watchfulness is universal (far from it, alas), nor is it fullproof. But I do remember that it was common enough in the student circles I partied in that the women I knew would discretely signal to a friend if they decided to have sex with someone they met at a party - so that no one would look for them and mistakenly "intervene" at a wrong moment.

So I'm not saying it's not widespread. On the contrary I'm saying it is, and I also have numerous terrible stories to tell. I simply object to the premise that all alcoholized parties result in sexual assault - if that were the case, women would never party - and my student years would have been truly sad.
Also, let's bear in mind women also organize parties - and in my experience, they're much better at it too, in every respect.

[Tears of Lys]

4 hours ago, A Horse Named Stranger said:

I would never make a joke about the death of an innocent man...

  

[Fragile Bird]

19 hours ago, A Horse Named Stranger said:

I assume this is the thread were we mourn the untimely passing of OJ.

RIP Juice

 

 

“Finally OJ can rest knowing his wife’s killer is dead”

The internet produces some great memes.

[Spockydog]

On 4/11/2024 at 4:06 PM, BigFatCoward said:

Having read your story it sounds like it was a residential street in a busy part of London, with the amount of ring doorbells now and CCTV, i'd be amazed if there wasn't corroborating evidence for your story if it had been needed (maybe this was why the case was dropped).  

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this. 

Surely if the police had uncovered Ring or CCTV footage that supported my version of events they would have told me so, and my accuser would currently be on her way to clinky. 

Or is that not how these things work? 

Edited April 12 by Spockydog

[Derfel Cadarn]

24 minutes ago, Spockydog said:

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this. 

Surely if the police had uncovered Ring or CCTV footage that supported my version of events they would have told me so, and my accuser would currently be on her way to clinky. 

Or is that not how these things work? 

I doubt cctv would be good enough to sctually show what happened in your car.

[Spockydog]

5 minutes ago, Derfel Cadarn said:

I doubt cctv would be good enough to sctually show what happened in your car.

Maybe a Ring camera? These things are ubiquitous. My mum told me today that a police officer knocked on her door a few months back asking about potential footage on her doorbell cam. 

Anyways, I've submitted a FOI request. We shall see. 

Edited April 12 by Spockydog

[BigFatCoward]

1 hour ago, Spockydog said:

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this. 

Surely if the police had uncovered Ring or CCTV footage that supported my version of events they would have told me so, and my accuser would currently be on her way to clinky. 

Or is that not how these things work? 

They might only have enough to show doubt and prevent a charge but not to show she was outright lying. Eg footage shows your car was there for 5 mins and she said the ordeal lasted 30 mins.

I don't work in investigations so I don't know how much they would release to you, especially in a rape case. 

We probably try to stop short of saying a person who reported a rape was an outright liar. 

[Tears of Lys]

9 hours ago, Spockydog said:

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this. 

 

In other circumstances I'd advise you to put it behind you and not dwell on it, but it may be to your future benefit to gather as much evidence as you can, just in case she decides maybe it's WORTH going after you - if you catch my drift.

ETA:  I love your mom's passion!  

Edited April 13 by Tears of Lys

[Spockydog]

13 minutes ago, Tears of Lys said:

In other circumstances I'd advise you to put it behind you and not dwell on it, but it may be to your future benefit to gather as much evidence as you can, just in case she decides maybe it's WORTH going after you - if you catch my drift.

 

I hear ya.

As I said upthread, I've lost lifetime friends over this. I don't think it's possible for anyone here to imagine how traumatic an ordeal this was. And not just for me, but my entire family. It's very difficult to just let it go. I wonder how many men here, having walked in my shoes, could just let it go.

Edited April 13 by Spockydog

[Tears of Lys]

Oh, don't be so sure.  I've got a very vivid imagination!   My advice (in most cases) still stands.  Carrying anger, hatred, and righteous indignation in your heart and mind eats away at you, lessens you, and distracts you from more important things.  It only hurts YOU and not your accuser.  But in your case I recommend you do gather as much information as you can to protect yourself in the future. 

 And always remember:  Mama knows best.    

[Conflicting Thought]

Didnt know where to put this, but i think here its a good place

New york overturnes harvey weinsteins sex crimes conviction

https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/04/25/us/harvey-weinstein-conviction-overturned-appeal

Even when the acusation couldnt be more real we get shit like this