So have we as a couple become too couple-y?

[Yukle]

This is a continuation of a conversation I was having with my brother and I am looking for backup. Obviously I will use whichever arguments help me and ignore everyone else when I bring this up again.

Okay, so my hubby and I were accused of being too coupley (is that a word? Is now!) because of the amount of stuff we share. For those of you without children (and therefore still with sleep), I think it's just hard to comprehend how much time and effort you save by sharing stuff you'd normally have individually.

So, basically, we share the following:

* Bank accounts

* Medicare card (for Americans, it's basically a green plastic card with your name on it that you take to the doctors so that you pay nothing)

* Shared mobile data

 

... all of which my brother and I agree is normal. However, he says the other things we also share are not:

* Email address (in his name)

* Facebook account (in my name)

* Skype account (shared name)

* Socks

* Tracksuit pants (intended for men but I ceebs getting my own sometimes when I'm just around the house)

* T-shirts (too big for me but see above)

* Food when we go out

* Cars and/or motorbike

 

But I reckon that's not being too cutesy, it's just we're in a lazy state of being really comfortable with each other. See, to him you drive "your" vehicle but really I can't be bothered swapping cars if one is in the driveway and blocking the other. We have a carseat in both anyway, so it's not like it's hugely inconvenient.

So have we crossed the line? Are we too gross as a couple?  

[Filippa Eilhart]

sharing email and social media seems weird to me but I've seen people do it. On the other hand, my husband doesn't have a facebook account and so his friends sometimes use me to communicate with him, and I don't have skype so we use his to talk to my family. Food sharing is totally normal, not only in a couple We only have one car.

 

How do you share the medicare card if it has the other person's name on it?

[Isis]

I don't think it matters what other people think about your relationship and I don't think there is a 'normal'. People have their own reasons for doing stuff like banking jointly/individually. So long as you're both happy with it and one person isn't just pretending to be ok with it.

OTOH, if you keep saying stuff like 'do you think we're too cutesy? Do you?' to people, then that would just be annoying.

We share lots of stuff too because most of our interests are shared with each other.

[Datepalm]

Postmodern hogwash.

Yes, that is too coupley. Separate your social media accounts at once, else how can people be expected to gossip about one of you with the other and keep the evidence for shameful scandals down the line when one of you decided to run for office? You guys are clearly not thinking long term.

The sweatpants situation is acceptable, the socks will require a committee to adjucate.

[Rorshach]

I think the socks part is recognizable. My wife and I don't share socks per se, it's just that hers get lost sometimes, and she has to go looking in my drawer for something to put on.

We couldn't share other clothing, as I'm much too big. She'd drown in it.

[Dr. Pepper]

I have to admit that I'm always leery of those who share emails or social media accounts because the only people I know who do that are either in an abusive relationship or have serious trust and codependency issues.  Assuming this isn't going on here, my question is what's the point?  Also, how long have you been together?  I've had my current main email for like 13 years, or however long gmail has existed.  Before that I had my email for something like 10 years.  So if I became long term coupled during that time, I'd already been coming into the relationship with my own email and switching it up at this point would be too much of a hassle.  Then there's still the question of what's the point.  If it's about streamlining things, you can both just have access to one another's accounts, have both accounts come to both phone (side thought, do you share phones, too?).  

The social media sharing is just weird to me, and in cases I know of personally, it's concerning due to the abusive relationships I mentioned above.  I guess it's another "what's the point" but I just assume neither of you are really into social media all that much and just want to glance in without maintaining full accounts.  

Everything else seems typical.  I don't get the health card sharing because every country I've lived in requires people to have their own card, but if you don't need your own then I guess no point in having multiple (unless you need a spare in case you lose it).  Sharing clothes, food, cars, seems typical not just of couples but even of friends.  I'm pretty sure I'm wearing something of my partner's and I think one of my friend has a pair of heels of mine.  I share cars with all sorts of people.  Sometimes I need a minivan to transport the kids but I don't want to buy a mini van.  Sometimes my friend wants my compact car to get into the city easier.  

[Mlle. Zabzie]

I know a couple of people who share social media but usually one of the couple has a reason for not being able to have their own.  Email is a bit strange.  BUT SOCKS?????  Now, I wear a ladies 5.5 or 6, and my husband wears a men's 11, so that colors my opinion.  But I do not want my husband wearing my socks (I'll never wear them again) and the heel on his socks are basically half way up my calf.  So, anyhow.  Sweatpants and tee shirts?  Totally normal

[Theda Baratheon]

Everything seems normal to me except the email and the social media account lol but my neighbours do the shared social media account thing as well so I can sort of see it if you're both not hugely into it and just use it for updates from family and stuff. But the email??? That would confuse me so much lol 

I mean I'm basically going to be single forever (doesn't say as a bad thing necessarily) and fiercely individual in all areas of my life and I still share food and clothes with family and friends - I never had my own room growing up and shared with my sister so we always borrowed/ahem TOOK eacharge others clothes and my parents are very much EAT ANYTHING IN THE HOUSE STOP ASKING every time I ask to eat something lmao so 

Also I steal my dad's socks all the time because they're massive and good to pad out my huge mens workers boots I LIVE IN 

[Buckwheat]

How do you even share a health insurance card? Do they not always come with the name and birth date of the holder and are non-transfeable?

So yeah, that one is the weirdest one on the list. The email is ... as long as it is a private one and only people who know you both use it write to that, fine. I think it would be weird for a work email though.

One car in a family household sounds just about right for me, if you don't have to use two separately every day. Why buy another one if one is going to be standing there all the time.

[James Arryn]

Relationships generally fail, so don't worry about generalized practices/standards. 

[Iskaral Pust]

I was supporting you until the shared clothes.  I think excessive PDAs would be less icky than sharing clothes.  Sure, my wife has borrowed a t-shirt or a sweatshirt at times, but not a routine sharing of clothes.

All of the other items I do or have at some point shared with my wife, although the shared email address was a "family" email address and we still had our own individual ones.

[Inigima]

I mostly see older people sharing an email account. I personally think that's weird, but if it works for you, I don't see why it matters. 

[Nas!]

I really, really don't like the idea of my wife wearing my socks, so I've solved the problem by not owning any socks.  

And also by not having a wife. 

[Which Tyler]

I agree with most people on most things on this thread.

Bank accounts and mobile data are both perfectly normal.

For emails we both have solo, but also share a work account, and know each others passwords in case of emergency (though we haven't worked out what emergency would call for that, but hey, it's been convenient once or twice). Ive never looked in on her email, as it would feel weird - like going through her handbag for something; she fails to understand why i feel either of those things is weird.

Facebook - I've never had an account, so hers has kinda become ours.

We've been a couple much longer than Skype has been around, so the account is shared.

Clothing - she commandeers mine when she feels like it, and has stolen a few items that she considers far too comfy/cosy to be wasted on me. Socks would only be for wellies or hiking though.

Who doesn't share food? I share with her, my family, her family, friends, acquaintances, and occasionally people i just met 10 minutes ago.

Even when we had 2 cars, they were only nominated for the sake of insurance, but we haven't had any car for 7 years now.

 

About the only thing we don't share is duvets (and toothbrushes, just in case anyone takes me too literally)

[baxus]

7 hours ago, Yukle said:

So, basically, we share the following:

* Bank accounts

* Medicare card (for Americans, it's basically a green plastic card with your name on it that you take to the doctors so that you pay nothing)

* Shared mobile data

 

... all of which my brother and I agree is normal. However, he says the other things we also share are not:

* Email address (in his name)

* Facebook account (in my name)

* Skype account (shared name)

* Socks

* Tracksuit pants (intended for men but I ceebs getting my own sometimes when I'm just around the house)

* T-shirts (too big for me but see above)

* Food when we go out

* Cars and/or motorbike

 

But I reckon that's not being too cutesy, it's just we're in a lazy state of being really comfortable with each other. See, to him you drive "your" vehicle but really I can't be bothered swapping cars if one is in the driveway and blocking the other. We have a carseat in both anyway, so it's not like it's hugely inconvenient.

So have we crossed the line? Are we too gross as a couple?  

• bank accounts - I have my own, my wife has my own, we have joint accounts (actually, due to stone age banking laws in Serbia, we share one of mine but she has full authority over it, except she can't transfer foreign currency from the banking app, once again due to Serbian stone age banking laws). our incomes and expenses are fully transparent.
• medicare card - we both have our health insurance covered by our employers but if one of us were unemployed, the other ones insurance would cover for it.
• shared mobile data - I'm not sure that's even an option here; we have definitely not even looked into it

The other part:

• definitely different email addresses - I alone have 4 different emails that I've used today and a few more I use occasionally (private, work, work2, work3 etc.); sharing any of them would never work;
• separate facebook/twitter/instagram accounts - it just feels weird to me to see a couple sharing that;
• skype account - I use skype for work, so sharing it wouldn't be practical
• socks, tracksuit pants and t-shirts - not socks because of different sizes, but tracksuit and t-shirts on occasion; not a regular thing, but it has happened from time to time
• when we go out, we order our own meals but we do taste each other's food to see what it's like
• we have one car (no motorbikes) and we share it. whoever needs it, gets to use it. I don't see us becoming a two-car family anytime soon, even when kids come along;

DISCLAIMER: Not saying "my way" is the only good one or the only "normal" one, it's just what works for my wife and me.

[Tywin et al.]

5 hours ago, Iskaral Pust said:

I was supporting you until the shared clothes.  I think excessive PDAs would be less icky than sharing clothes.  Sure, my wife has borrowed a t-shirt or a sweatshirt at times, but not a routine sharing of clothes.

All of the other items I do or have at some point shared with my wife, although the shared email address was a "family" email address and we still had our own individual ones.

Pfft! Every man knows that once your woman has borrowed your sweatshirt she now owns it. 

[larrytheimp]

The only thing that seems strange, as others have mentioned, is the email and fb stuff.  My dad finally got his own email a few years ago, he used to share one with my step mom.  He asked me why I never email him and I told him "because there's pretty much nothing I want to tell both of you".  It's like having the friend that constantly puts you on speakerphone without telling you there are other people listening.

 

Sometimes I'd like to talk to one person, not a couple.

 All the other stuff though seems perfectly sensible to share, with the exception of the health card... What if you aren't together, but need medical care?

Edited March 13 by larrytheimp

[Xray the Enforcer]

Quote

Are we too gross as a couple?

Reams of internet data have shown that if you have to ask a question like this, the answer is always "yes." 

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Blame Science!. 

Edited March 13 by Xray the Enforcer

[Hereward]

My wife and I share everything. Well, she created the race of orcs on her own. I was on a hiking holiday in Scotland. Oh, and whisky. Cold dead hands, etc.

[Iskaral Pust]

1 hour ago, Hereward said:

My wife and I share everything. Well, she created the race of orcs on her own. I was on a hiking holiday in Scotland. Oh, and whisky. Cold dead hands, etc.

That's a very unkind way to refer to your kids.  And biology would suggest she had some sort of assistance in that creation, even if it wasn't you.  But I'm sure he didn't touch your whisky too.  That would be beyond the Pale.