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Your Most Hated ASOIAF theory


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12 hours ago, Him of Many Faces said:

What's that one theory that makes you roll your eyes whenever you see it discussed? What makes you go "I can't believe people are still discussing that, it's been debunked to death"?

For me, it would be any of the A+ B = C theories regarding parentage. 

 

Hate is perhaps too strong a word, but I do roll my eyes hard at all the alternative theories to Jon’s parentage that try so very hard to disprove R+L=J and invariably require mental gymnastics, leaps of logic, a million assumptions and dismissing the text only to fail spectacularly. 
 

12 hours ago, Sandy Clegg said:

Not so much theories, but every 'What if' post.

  • What if Robb had marched south?
  • What if Renly had survived?
  • What if Tyrion had been a cyborg?
  • What if Ned had sideburns?

Cue 10,000 replies. Ugh.

Again, I don’t hate the “what ifs”, but I have zero interest in them and don’t even bother reading the OPs. 
 

Besides these, I do have some strong dislikes in theoryverse… namely, 99,87% of fake identities. Yes, there are a few, but people seem to have decided that since there’s a couple of instances then anything goes and anyone and everyone is bound to be someone else. Exhausting and nonsensical imo, also bad writing and would take away from the actual identity mysteries.

Also 99,98% of fake deaths, same reasoning as above. 

Edited by kissdbyfire
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"Person X is really Aegon VI".

Look, if Rhaegar's Aegon somehow survived, there is no reason for Young Griff to not be exactly who he and his caretakers claim he is. But Aegon is most likely dead, and if YG isn't Rhaegar's son, then Rhaegar's Aegon should stay dead.

And tied with it is the "X person is mad" theory, but since most of those posts are actually troll posts, I am not sure it counts?

Edited by Aldarion
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I don't hate the 'Benjen is Coldhands' theory although I don't subscribe to it. I do hate all of the other Benjen is... theories.

I don't hate the 'Aegon was impotent' theory, but I wonder where it goes or what its proponents think the author would accomplish with it.

R'llor is a real entity - TGO as well - any of the sundry gods really. if this story is about gods, they should have the POV's

Quentyn lives - dude's a chicken wing

Drogo is Drogon 

The Faceless Men did it.

Varys is Lollys - OK, I hate it, but I don't... I would get a kick out of hearing Varys mention offhandedly to someone that the day Marcella sailed to Dorne turned out to be the wrong day to pull out the Lollys Stokeworth disguise.

Basically any theory that would contraindicate any of my own or any of the ones that I've taken to heart (far more of them than any of my own) pisses me off a little when I read it.  I only bring this up to acknowledge that some of my hate for theories has little to do with the actual theory I'm hating, but to do with the theory I'm loving that it can't coexist with. Honestly I really appreciate people's work in theory crafting and wouldn't want to discourage some of our deeper delvers by crapping on their ideas.

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I wouldn't say hate either, but the following theories makes me roll my eyes:

- All the alternatives to R+L=J

- Dany is R+L daughter

- Quentyn is not Quentyn but the real Aegon (Rhaegar + Elia's son) and is alive

- YG is Quentyn

- Serenei of Lys is Larra Rogare

- All the theories involving Bloodraven as the ultimate mastermind

 

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Poor George.  No wonder he can't finish the story.  He tunes in and sees haters hating what he has planned.

12 hours ago, Aldarion said:

"Person X is really Aegon VI".

Look, if Rhaegar's Aegon somehow survived, there is no reason for Young Griff to not be exactly who he and his caretakers claim he is. But Aegon is most likely dead, and if YG isn't Rhaegar's son, then Rhaegar's Aegon should stay dead.

There are reasons to suspect Aegon is alive.  The HOTU prophesy, for instance.  There are also reasons to suspect that Young Griff is not Aegon.

It is possible that the clues on one side are clues, and the clues on the other are red herrings.  But it also could well be that both propositions are true.

That Aegon SHOULD be dead, if he is not Young Griff, is merely an opinion. 

Not sure why we should rule out the third option.   Or why the third option should be deserving of hate.

12 hours ago, Aldarion said:

And tied with it is the "X person is mad" theory, but since most of those posts are actually troll posts, I am not sure it counts?

I don't count them because they will never be proven right or wrong, even if GRRM finishes the series.

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11 hours ago, James Steller said:

I hate any theory which vindicates Bloodraven and Rhaegar (and possibly Lyanna) for their actions. 

That also goes in the Opinion-Not-Theory category.  Even if future books reveal that they murdered countless babies in blood magic rituals, some people will still defend them.

But "Rhaegar and Lyanna murdered babies in blood magic rituals" could actually be a theory, capable of being proven right or wrong if the series is ever finished.

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8 hours ago, Gilbert Green said:

There are reasons to suspect Aegon is alive.  The HOTU prophesy, for instance.  There are also reasons to suspect that Young Griff is not Aegon.

It is possible that the clues on one side are clues, and the clues on the other are red herrings.  But it also could well be that both propositions are true.

That Aegon SHOULD be dead, if he is not Young Griff, is merely an opinion. 

Not sure why we should rule out the third option.   Or why the third option should be deserving of hate.

Because third option would be inherently an asspull. With Jon Snow, there are clues - minor clues but clues still - that he truly is Rhaegar's son.

Who else has anything like that? Only Young Griff, and as you noted, he has clues on both sides. But if there truly is third head of the dragon and he isn't it... well, just look at the number of theories as to who may be the third head. Tyrion, Belwas, Arya...

Unless of course that entire thing is itself a red herring and there will be no third head.

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23 hours ago, Him of Many Faces said:

What's that one theory that makes you roll your eyes whenever you see it discussed? What makes you go "I can't believe people are still discussing that, it's been debunked to death"?

For me, it would be any of the A+ B = C theories regarding parentage. 

 

One of them is certainly Tully madness!

With so much irrational supportive arguments just stating that Catelyn went mad in red wedding, Lysa is mad, Arya is going to be mad and etc.

It really irks me to see people are still insisting on those arguments.

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• Mance = Rhaegar (dislike most x = y (where y is someone who is either obviously dead, or death is needed for narrative purposes and story becomes less compelling if they were alive; but this one irks me in particular for some reason)

• Daenerys = random girl

• Daenerys is a paedo

• Jon parentage theories where having them get together requires loads of plot convenience, including conflicting with the timeline, people not noticing they are gone, people with no hitherto hinted at connection being close friends etc.

• Targaryens are saviours of Westeros

• Westeros is Earth in the future

• Bloodraven mind control behind everything

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3 hours ago, astarkchoice said:

Tyrion not being tywins son when he is soooo a mini tywin as even his sister points out.

The irony of tywin wanting a legacy of lannister dominance and rejecting the one child who could give it to him is perfect...tyrion being a targ is just nonsense.

Yes. I change my answer to this. I hate the theory that Tyrion is a secret targ who’s destined to fly a dragon someday.

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14 minutes ago, James Steller said:

Yes. I change my answer to this. I hate the theory that Tyrion is a secret targ who’s destined to fly a dragon someday.

Ruins the whole 'the son Tywin hated was the most like him' thing, which is why if there must be secret Targaryens, Jaime and Cersei being secret Targaryens works better.

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1 hour ago, Craving Peaches said:

• Mance = Rhaegar (dislike most x = y (where y is someone who is either obviously dead, or death is needed for narrative purposes and story becomes less compelling if they were alive; but this one irks me in particular for some reason)

• Daenerys = random girl

• Daenerys is a paedo

• Jon parentage theories where having them get together requires loads of plot convenience, including conflicting with the timeline, people not noticing they are gone, people with no hitherto hinted at connection being close friends etc.

• Targaryens are saviours of Westeros

• Westeros is Earth in the future

• Bloodraven mind control behind everything

Daenerys is a paedo/raped Irri is Kelsey Hayes/Apple Martini logic.

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